Category Archives: women in business

The pressure to earn money, can often repel it!

“With college around the corner and my super slow summer workload, I’m beginning to freak out.”

This was a recent client conversation. I could hear the stress and anxiety in her voice.

I asked some questions in the hopes of shifting some anxiety and providing some relief. Was her eighteen year old ready for college? Yes. Was tuition taken care of? Yes. It was a mix of scholarships, grants, and heavy college loans. The loans were leading to some guilt.

I invited her to consider that her mindset about the loans projected lack towards her kiddo. I asked if she had confidence that the loans would be paid off after graduation. She said yes and that she was confident that college would prepare her child for employment and that loans would be easily repaid.

This conversation helped shift her mindset from lack and guilt to abundance and confidence.

The next hurdle was the interwoven connection she had created between college tuition and the financial success of her business. In her mind, she had created an urgency for the business to do well so that money was not an issue and tuition would not seem so daunting. This train of thought led to increased pressure to succeed. That kind of pressure actually makes it more difficult to be successful. It’s the kind that keeps us immobilized while the fear and anxiety grow.

So, I invited her to take a step back as we looked at some questions:

  1. If your child had everything needed and college costs were covered, would you still want to make more money in your business?
  2. And would you still want more high paying and exquisitely ideal clients to work with?

 

The short answers? HELL YES! So, I invited her to release the connection between her child going to college and her desire to make more money and do more with her business. We used EFT to shift the language and the emotion behind this connection. She realized that she would do those things anyway for her business and released the emotional connection between the two.

It was actually quite powerful and as seems to happen several times when I’m in an intense session, our phone connection went in and out several times at key points in the process. We were both a bit in awe of the transformation.

What began with stress and anxiety had shifted to positivity and ease. This is the power of mindset work.

I checked in on her recently and asked if the shift in mindset we created that day had stuck and her answer was a resounding yes! In fact, she had used some of the “script” we used several times to remind herself not to connect her business success with college finances. It helped her refocus and continue to feel empowered by a shift in her own money mindset.

It is not uncommon for us to create stories around our money and emotions that disempower us in our business. Her messaging was “With kids going to college, I feel guilty that I don’t have more money and my business isn’t making more money, so I really have to hustle to succeed.” When in fact, tuition was covered, and a plan was in place for any loans. And, separate from financial needs (imagined or real!) she still wanted to work with more of her ideal clients and to make more money with ease in her business whether her child was going to college or not.

Had we not uncoupled these things she would have worked harder, from a place of anxiety and fear, there would be no real goal to reach that would feel good and she would have been striving but never arriving.

Where are you striving but never arriving in your life? What stories are you telling yourself about the reason you need more money and more hustle in your business? What would it do for you if you could shift that mindset and change the story? I’d love to help. Reach out here: Contact Nicole!

P.S. Don’t forget to join our private free Facebook Group. Wealth Worth and Wisdom. 

How Little t Trauma May Be Hurting Your Business

Even though many years have passed, I can still remember the moment that  I was finally given the permission that I needed to begin my healing. I was sitting on the couch of my new therapist’s office and I was giving her the usual rundown of my life. I gave her the family history, childhood experiences, and my career and life transitions up to that point.

She sat quietly and listened and then when I was finished she asked me simply. “ What work have you done to address your trauma?” I became uneasy, I replied “ I am not sure I would go so far as to say that I suffered from trauma” In that moment I knew I had suffered some abuse, but the word trauma seemed so much bigger. The word trauma seemed so severe, extreme and beyond what I felt I had a right to call what I experienced. I have since healed so many wounds and have revealed hidden experiences that I know without a doubt was trauma. But in that moment even with all of the abuses, I experienced I still did not feel worthy of the term trauma.

Isn’t that kind of a nutty idea, to feel like you need to be worthy of a word? In my mind, up until that point, I equated trauma with things like, extreme child abuse, domestic violence, rape, murder, being robbed, and post-traumatic stress from combat experiences. I still did not connect my own experiences with the definition of trauma.

This is not an uncommon response from people when I bring up the word trauma these days. My clients and peers will discount their wounding as being trauma. They do not feel like what happened to them was big enough to garner that word as a description of what they have been through. I have spent so much time lately educating people about the many types of trauma and how they impact our lives, our money, and our business.

So let me break it down for you. There are two main classifications of trauma commonly called Little T and Big T traumas.

Big T traumas are events most commonly connected with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These are often shocking, unpredicted events that have caused physical and emotional harm. Natural disaster, Violence, Death and other Crisis situations.Witnessing a Big T trauma can also cause PTSD. These Big T traumas are what most people equate when you bring up the word trauma, so it makes sense that many people would not know that they have experienced trauma.

Little T traumas are highly distressing experiences that do not fall into the Big T trauma definition. These are often repetitive, ongoing and the experience may or may not create a traumatic response for every person. When confronted with Little T trauma support networks, resilience and coping skills can play a huge part in their impact on our lives long term.

Here are some examples of Little T traumas that I see most with my clients:

  1. Bullying in school
  2. Not fitting in and having a peer group in school to belong to
  3. Undiagnosed and unsupported learning disabilities
  4. The use of consistent physical punishment in the home
  5. Emotional neglect
  6. Co-dependency
  7. Having divorced parents, being divorced
  8. Moving around a lot
  9. Being a caregiver at a young age
  10. Chronic illness

Do you see what I mean by these events? They are chronic, consistent, impactful and can create wounds that impact thoughts feelings and behaviors. These thoughts feelings and behaviors inform our lives and choices as adults.

It is my assertion that sometimes Little T traumas are more impactful and difficult to overcome without the support of a trained professional. We are also less likely to identify them which leads to them remaining untreated for longer periods of time.

I am an LCSW and a therapist and even with my training and education, I have been on a journey of learning more about how Little t Traumas impact daily life. In my work as a Money and Mindset Expert who works with business owners, and entrepreneurs I have consistently uncovered the impact of Little t Trauma on my client’s relationships with their money and their business. I am committed to learning more about their trauma history so we can create healing and mastery so that they don’t recreate their trauma in their business.

I will be writing more about my findings, giving case studies and exploring more about the impact of trauma on entrepreneurship and business ownership. I know that if we can make these connections we can change and improve the survival rate of small business.

I know what it is like to have someone suggest that your experiences may have been more serious and life-altering than you thought. I know what it is like to embrace and heal from those experiences once they are given the attention that they deserve. I am adamant that my clients know that there is no shame in discovering their own trauma, in fact, it is often the launch pad for freedom that they never knew was possible. It is a beautiful thing.

Are you an entrepreneur or business owner? Do you have a hunch that your previous experiences in life may be negatively impacting your relationship with your business and your money? If so please reach out and let’s have a conversation about it. Contact me here.

A Love Letter To My Ex Husbands

Last week I attended an event and I was peppered with the usual questions, are you married, how long etc? I am a pretty open person and when I mentioned my ex husbands ( yes 2 we will get to that), I was met with the usual negative perception, and eye rolling about the EX being bad, a problem, and wholly responsible for the break up.

It is customary to speak of our exes with disdain and eye rolls, and it is usual that the person with whom you are speaking assigns some blame, and assumed personal defect to the ex. This got me thinking? Why do we always assume the EX to be a bad person or a perpetrator. We cannot all be walking around sparkling clean and without blame in the break up of our marriages.

I find myself wanting to defend my ex husbands. I want to say to the person who has never met them but instantly dislikes them just  because they are my ex that, they are not a bad person and really do not deserve instant judgement. Being an ex does not = the bad guy or girl in the story.

Don’t get me wrong I know many people who have exes that I am well aware are perpetrators of abuse, control and drama that would make Jerry Springer blush. However, it is exception not the rule.

So when someone hears I have an ex and get the old eye roll and instant judgement towards that person I want to put on the brakes. Here are a few reasons why I think we should do this differently.

  1. I am 2 men’s ex wife. So whenever I am brought up in conversation I AM the instant target of judgement and scorn. Who wants that energy coming at them from every conversation that your ex has that involves you. I can tell you 100% that I was not the sole reason those relationships ended.
  2. They are actually not bad people, they have flaws and broken bits and have not always behaved well towards me or others. However, they were not 100% awful and I have been just as broken and guilty as them.
  3. I take responsibility in being the woman who thought that THIS BROKEN person was a good idea to partner up with. I can not blame anyone else for that. They did not force me to fall in love, or marry them. I made the decision to be with them, and even though I did it from a wounded place, I still did. I was the kind of woman at that time in my life that not only sought out that kind of relationship but actively participated in its dysfunction.
  4. These reasons make it so unfair to assume that my exes are to blame for our breakups and that they are bad.
  5. I was culpable in the successful moments as much as I was for the unsuccessful moments. My wounds sought out someone to continue the pattern. He was a willing participant in this and I was a willing participant in reenacting his wounds.

This is the harsh reality of trauma. When we have experienced trauma in our past via physical abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment or neglect. We are more likely to recreate our trauma in our behaviors and in our relationships choices. Our trauma story finds new people to continue the story. Both of my husbands played active roles in my continuing my own trauma story. The reasons I chose them and attached to them were because our wounds mirrored each other’s pain. This can be a very attractive and compelling connection.

I married my highschool sweetheart, and then a man who was 21 years older than me. It does not take a psychologist to see that I was working some stuff out in my marriages.

One of the reasons I left these marriages eventually was because I no longer believed in this trauma story, and no longer felt connected to the usual players. It was brutal to go through two divorces, because my tender wounded inner child picked both of them for very legit reasons. I can say this now because through therapy and energy psychology techniques I have and am healing those trauma wounds. I could never have said this before, I needed them to be the bad guy and me the victim in order to feel strong enough to leave.

I have apologized to them both for my role in letting my wounds choose them, only so that I could then allow them to let me down and continue my trauma patterns. I have apologized for my role in creating a pattern of re-enacting their own wounds. I was neither a good person or bad person in these relationships, I was merely working out my trauma and trying to heal. However, that does not mean I did not hurt them. It does not mean I was a loving partner, I hurt them both and let them both down. We let each other down abundantly, but I cannot help but still have good feelings.

I have been working on forgiveness of myself and others. One of the ways that I routinely do this is to write a love letter to that person. I have completed  this for them and here are a few of my thank you statements to them both.

  • Thank you for making me feel safe sometimes.
  • Thank you for showing me that I was desired
  • Thank you for always working hard so we had resources
  • Thank you for the laughter
  • Thank you for seeing the good inside me
  • I loved our time together in highschool when we were newly in love and I felt loved and protected for the first time.
  • I loved how you made me feel like a muse, and a cherished spirit and how it created a magical and romantic Sense and Sensibility Story.
  • Thank you for loving my family despite our own wounds.
  • Your sensitivity and your intelligence pushed me to be kinder, smarter and more worldly.

I wish them both health and happiness. I will no longer mention them with disdain and with judgement or anger in my heart. I will not participate in the usual conversation that instantly demonizes them because they are both children of the universe who deserve love and compassion.

This is my own story and my own journey. I am not saying that YOU should do this, because it would not be fair of me to step into your story and tell you what to do. However, I do hope that this will give you food for thought. When they stay the villain, we stay the victim and that is a very stuck and dark place to be.

I want to remind you that if you have been a victim of abuse, and power and control abuse in your marriage, I understand this story could be triggering for you. Please know that my situation was different then yours and it is your story to heal from. No judgements from me and you have all of my love and support. These are two very different situations. But if you need some support please email me nicole@lewis-keeber.com and I will connect you with resources.

My final thank you to my ex husband’s. Thank you for being a part of my journey, because without you I would not have found, or been ready for my current husband Jason. We have been together for 13 plus years and married for almost 7. Each and every day is a gift, and I do I love him dearly. My ex husband’s taught me how to be a better partner, and gave me the clarity to know what safety and true pure love feels like when you find it. I love you Jason.

P.S. As a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, the study of trauma is of interest to me. I continue to heal my own, help clients heal theirs, and study the impact of trauma on relationships. Trauma impacts how we treat ourselves, and how we treat others. It impacts the dynamics that we create in our relationships at home, socially and in the workplace. My current focus is on how trauma impacts the small business owner and entrepreneur. Stay tuned for more information on my findings, and how I can help.

P.S.S. If you are interested in learning more about Nicole Lewis-Keeber LCSW and the coaching programs that she offers on Money and Mindset, Healing your relationship with your business, and the use of Emotional Freedom Technique. You can contact her here and schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call.

The truth about intuition, and a blue bird!

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know it is time to make a change? Maybe it is time to make some hard decisions about a relationship you are in. Maybe it is becoming clear that it is time to leave your job or maybe even your career? Whatever the decision is that you need to make? The ability to ignore that decision gets harder and harder. Maybe you watch TV more, you hang out on social media, hell maybe you indulge in 2 extra cocktails or beers to silence the noise. It does not work for long does it?

The voice that is loud in your ear is your intuition, it is your wise mind. It is the voice that knows what needs to be done for your higher good even if it feels scary, or hard. This intuition when trusted can be the catalyst for more in your life than you ever imagined. But,how to be brave?

How to follow something that comes to us in the very place that also houses our greatest doubts? Our inner critic, the shame and experiences that catalog our life so far. This jumbled mind, the wild west of all of the things that inspire us and terrifies us? It is not easy to trust is it?

I am very familiar with that voice, that very voice has given me the courage to leave relationships that were not for my highest good. It showed me the way out of jobs that were unhealthy for me, and a career that had run its course. It has not always been easy because my Inner Critic has been just as loud for as many years. But, there is a way to see your way through. Keep reading..

Right now as I write this, I am in the middle of that war of Inner Critic and Wise Mind. It has been a loud and noisy battle that has been raging about the future of my business and client work. My wise mind is so loud and so emphatic! It has the passion of a teenager who knows FOR A FACT THAT THEY WILL DIE if they do not get to go to the beach party with the other kids. It is that certain, that loud and that passionate about the fact that I need to rebrand myself. It is emphatic that I should call myself a Business Therapist and that I should offer more than money mindset, and that I should be the emotional support person for entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and business owners. It has quite a compelling argument.

The other voice my Inner Critic is telling me, that without question if I decide to step into the spotlight as a Business Therapist that not only will my business die, but I could die as well. It is saying, “ This would be catastrophic! No one would want that! Who are you kidding!! WTF? Nicole? Are you listening?” Whew also pretty loud and scary. SO what to do? What do we do when we are in the middle of the pivot?How do we handle the battle for real-estate not only in our mind but in our future decisions?

We look for signs. Yup. External signs.Nudges to act. Consistent confirmation from outside sources that add up to show that there is a defined road map forward in following our intuition and that we will indeed be OK.  How do we get these signs? We get still, we ask and then we watch.

Last weekend I was on my hill, the war raging in my head. I sat in the grass and I got still, and quiet and I surrendered. I said to the universe I surrender, send me a sign so that I have the courage to follow my wise mind. Then I waited. I waited some more. My Inner Critic had a tantrum but I held fast and then it happened.

The most beautiful blue colored bird flew by me, I watched it fly up towards a tree and disappear. This got my attention, I asked myself, “ where did it go? It was right there? “ I kept looking at the tree but the only bird in the tree was a average looking brown bird. Then something amazing happened.

That average brown bird took flight again and soared over me once more with the most gorgeous blue underbelly and wings I had ever seen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This bird was average looking and uninteresting until it spread its wings and flew. When it soared through the air it was gorgeous! Purposeful! Almost magical! In that moment I knew I had my answer.

In order to stand out, you must stand in your truth. To attract the attention that you desire YOU must spread your wings and fly! When we soar our true self, talents and unique beauty is revealed to the world. So, my intuition wins this round. Soar, show your true colors! And so it is…

Wrap up tips on how to follow your intuition:

  1. Recognize that you have a wise mind and it has been giving you signs and nudges all along.
  2. Get still, be quiet even for a short time so it can reveal itself to you in full without static from your inner critic.
  3. Ask for a sign or guidance
  4. Wait and watch
  5. Follow the answers that come to you with trust.

I hope this has been of help to you. Spread your wings, show your authentic self. It will help you make those hard decisions with confidence and purpose. If you are in need of someone to help guide you through those next steps once you have made your decision to pivot in your business, or life. Reach out to me here. Lets chat to see how I can be of service to you and your wise mind.

P.S. I would love for you to join us in my Facebook group Wealth Worth and Wisdom. Click here to ask to join.

Free gift- Knowing your Money Mindset Type is crucial to success of your business. Learn more about yours here.

It Is What It Is…And I Am What I Am

I have been on a journey of healing, self discovery, and stepping into the truth of what I am meant to do in the world. Honestly, after all of those years of therapy and the hundreds of self-help books and coaching training I really thought that I had A LOT figured out. However, I guess the point is that we never really figure things out. The more self aware we become the bigger the possibilities are for us so the target is always moving.

When I started my business I never imagined that it would be one of the most profound experiences of my life and the most exquisite vehicle for healing my wounds, uncovering my shadow and finding my confidence. I say it all of the time, starting a business is like taking in jump from the high dive into the the pool of personal development. Success in your business is just as contingent on how well you know yourself, and  have healed your wounds as it is on how great your business plan is.

In fact my own personal and professional opinion is that you can have the best business plan in the world and the numbers looking perfect and still tank your business. Yup, we do not leave our baggage at the door when we start a business, it comes in with us and can sink a water tight business plan.

The good news is that your business and your passion for it can also be the motivator and vehicle for profound self awareness and healing.That has been my experience and my wish for you. You are going to hear so much more about this from me. I am going to teach you how your business can help you heal.

I have not written a blog post in awhile because I have been conflicted. I struggled with the idea that I need to “stay on brand” stick with Money Mindset Topics, write only posts that will improve my SEO. Blog only about the topics that you can sell in your business. Well ya know what? I don’t follow rules very well and I like to write about everything. I like to write about healing, money and mindset, relationships, the personality of your business, and yes I even write about that scary word TRAUMA. (shudder)

I am first and foremost a therapist, I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and I am licensed clinical social worker. I have 7 years of education and a clinical license that I worked hard for. To say that I can “BACK MY SHIT UP” when I speak about healing your relationship with yourself, your money and your business is an understatement.

It is my duty to do more, and go deeper with my clients. There are enough sound bites and armchair psychologists out there. They don’t need one more shallow mindset quip from me. I will leave that to the others. I send them love, not everyone is ready for what I do. SO there is really room for everyone. I cannot see myself as a coach anymore which is kind of unfortunate since my business is named Nicole Lewis-Keeber Coaching LLC 🙂 I guess that is a problem for another day.

So here we are…redefining a business…stepping into the spotlight as my true self. It is scary and I am not even sure what it looks like but I am open. In the meantime, I am going to continue to talk about and write about what I know best. I am going to continue to help my clients heal their relationships with their money, themselves and their businesses so that they can have a successful business that they love.

What can I say? It is what is and I am who I am. So let’s stop being anything but that shall we?

Financial Fluency and Money Mindset

In today’s blog post I want to share with you an impactful interview that I had with Jen Turrell on her popular podcast Financial Fluency. It is rare that I get to express my concerns and ideas regarding systems, politics and my experience as a social worker in quite this way.

Our discussion covered the lack of a supportive system for self-employed people, in particular, women, in terms of health insurance, paid family leave, maternity leave and time off to care for loved ones.  We also spoke of how the current political climate is re-animating trauma within many women across the country.

I shared about my position as a social worker and the challenges that many women face in the workplace.  In particular,  how women are often slotted into a pre-determined salary for a particular job, often expected to work overtime and beyond their pay scale out of the goodness of their own heart, especially as a caregiver or therapist.

We also talked about money and trauma in business. This is a podcast interview full of good stuff. I hope you will tune in and learn more.  

“When you have had traumatic events, or abusive relationships or toxic relationships, if you don’t set up your business as a relationship with intention, you are going to default into toxic ways of relating to your business.  You are going to beat yourself up with it, you’re going to be your own mean boss, and at the end of the day you are going to feel abused and you will be the one who did it to yourself.” – Nicole Lewis-Keeber  

Did something you heard resonate with you? Would you like to learn more about how to work with Nicole? Fill out this form to request a Complimentary Discovery Call with Nicole. 

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

Spring Into Abundance

It is the first day of Spring! This makes me particularly happy because it hits me in all the right mindset places. I live in Pennsylvania so it gets dark cold and dreary here, which is hard for a girl who grew up in the sunnier state of North Carolina. So, I live for spring and the extended daylight and all of the promise that it brings.

So how can Spring help you with abundance? Oh, and will you forgive me for using the word abundance? I know that it is an overplayed marketing buzzword these days but I have not found a better word to use yet. ( taking suggestions)

Back to the topic at hand. How can Spring help you with abundance? In soo many ways! When we think about Spring it brings to mind life, growth, abundance, rebirth! We can take this fertile time of rebirth to set intentions for our life, business, and money.

I want you to take a moment, and think about what you love about Spring. What about it excites you? When you ponder it, I bet you begin to think of all of the activities you can do again, creating the yard and home you love again by planting, clearing and cleaning. Do you imagine yourself taking walks outside taking in all of the gorgeous flowers, trees, and budding wildlife? It is quite miraculous, isn’t it? What does it make you want to do?

Spring is my most creative time and the time of year that I must want to launch programs and be amongst the world. Launch coming more on that in a later post!

Here are 3 Steps that you can take to “ Spring into Abundance”

  1. Right now I want to visualize all of the lush colors of spring and I want you to take out a piece of paper, your journal or a document on your computer. Then, I want you to write down 3 intentions that you have for your business. What are 3 things that you want to grow this spring? ( I would love to hear them)
  2. I want you to write down 3 incomes goals that you have for your business. First, the number you are averaging now plus 10%, the number that you want to be making, and then finally the outrageous number that would make you toe curling happy! What steps can you take to begin making these numbers come to life?
  3. I want you to imagine what it would feel like to have the business of your dreams, the money in your outrageous goal, and the lifestyle that it would afford you. Write it down. Visualize it.

We must be able to see what we want to create. When we plant a seed for a flower we have a pretty good idea what that flower will look like, we water it and attend to it because we intentionally planted that seed and are nurturing the outcome. Setting intentions in our money and business are much the same.

Visualize what you want, write it down and set the intention and the follow the dream. Spring is a great time to do this. So why not start today? Let me help you set the intentions for your money and your business.

What would it mean to you if by the first day of summer you had met at least half of these goals? Let me help you get there. By filling out this form, you can request a complimentary discovery call to get started now.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

Why I Don’t Want You To Fake It Until You Make It!

I used to be a clinical supervisor for a methadone clinic, and I have a vast amount of experience with addictions. I would say 80% of my direct practice had some kind of treatment of addictions at its core. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a client say “ Fake it til you make it” or even better a dollar for every time a therapist or self-help group told them to do this.

It never sat well with me, I did not like the saying or what I saw this mantra  “ DO” to those clients. It set them up to lie to themselves. That inner voice of theirs, that critic reared its head every time someone would say that phrase. What I have come to learn is that our inner critic, shadow, saboteur whatever you want to call it does NOT appreciate being lied to. Nor, does it appreciate being ignored.

The more the client’s faked it, the further away from their inner voices and guidance they got. They would then be triggered by the inauthentic way they were showing up in the world, which would trigger their shame and send them into a downward spiral towards relapse. Now, I am sure that there will be 12 step followers who are aggravated with me right now because they have used this mantra as part of their recovery. I believe that if they look closer they will see it was not this mantra, that helped them recover, it was the targeted steps they took towards their goal, showing up real and raw to the world and learning how to heal their shame.

If you disagree with me that is A-OK with me, I wish you well and I am happy for your recovery. I send you light and love.

However, you will not hear me say Fake it til you make it to my clients. I have heard this phrase used by other coaches, speakers, personal development gurus and each and every time I cringe. I DO NOT WANT you to fake anything because it will trigger your Inner Critic to call bullshit on you. Once your Inner Critic calls BS all bets are off and it will actively work at getting you to take another course.

No, do not lie to yourself. Do not fake anything. Please!  So, you may be wondering what to do instead.  I am so glad you asked. I want you to learn how to OWN IT UNTIL YOU GROW IT!

  1. Be honest with yourself about your emotion in this moment. Hold no judgments about it and just be curious.
  2. Feel your feelings, I KNOW THIS IS SO SCARY, but do it anyway! Feel your feelings so that you can take a breath and ask your inner voice. Why am I feeling this way and what does the part of me that is triggered need right now?
  3. Pause and wait for an answer, again with curiosity and no judgments.
  4. Talk with someone you trust to discuss what steps and intentions you need to put in place to achieve the goals you want. It is important that these steps and intentions feel possible and are in alignment with your authentic self. Not just a list of things that someone else tells you that you SHOULD DO!
  5. Wake up each morning and make a small list of intentions for the day, and at the end of the day celebrate those you attained. You must celebrate your progress, and this is impossible to do if you are faking it.

It is my deepest desire to help my clients create a pathway towards empowerment in all areas of their lives, including money, business, self-worth. This requires us to get to know ourselves better, identify our patterns of behavior so that we can change them, and not simply fake it!

Do you want to learn how to Own it until you Grow it? Does a pathway to empowerment sound like a groovy idea? Fill out this form to contact me for a complimentary discovery call.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

 

How to Fall In Love With 2017

Here we are well into the halfway point through January. This is a hard time of year, every year. I actually wrote a blog post a year ago about the challenges that we face in January. Surprise Surprise it is very much the same! Just change the title to Is 2017 Kicking Your Ass Already? In that blog post I give some tips and encouragement on how to get by…read here.

So, even though we are well into January that does not mean that you cannot still set intentions and goals for 2017. You are hearing people talk about setting revenue goals, personal goals etc for this year. They are already hard at work at making 2017 work for them. Well, you know me I like to do things a bit differently. When I sat down to write out my goals, I felt compelled to send 2017 some love first. So, I wrote 2017 a big ole juicy love letter.

You heard me right! I wrote a love letter to a year, to the year 2017 to be exact. I know this sounds silly but if you have been following me, you know that I work hard to teach my clients how to fall in love with their business, by writing a love letter to it. Read more about that here. So why not fall in love with your year too?

I want to share with you all my Love Letter to 2017, and I invite you to write one too!

Dear 2017,

I am sorry to say that a lot is riding on your shoulders because of the many disappointments of 2016. You will need to be many things to many people. You will need to be a healer, light hearted, a teacher who shows us how to reconnect with one another, a champion to combat hate and fight for what is right. I have the feeling that you will rise to the occasion and that much will be revealed and be healed by your strong energy. Thank you for that in advance. Thank you thank you.

For me I want you to know, that I honor your energy light and power of manifestation. This year I will step up! I will claim my freedom with your help! By the end of this year, you and I will have lead many people to a deeper place of healing through writing, speaking and teaching. You and I will love my soul and body into a place of health, healing, and vibrancy. Releasing all old vows and patterns. You and I will create more wealth that I have ever known, and it will grow and help many.

We will facilitate deeper conversations with friends, family, and peers. We will be at the center of the women’s empowerment movement and our contribution will have a ripple effect. Dear 2017 Thank you for all you have and will do for me.

I then wrote a list of all of the amazing things that me and 2017 will create this year. It was so much fun and less daunting than the same old goal setting I have done in the past.

Then I signed it. Love your partner in all things, Nicole

So does this resonate with you? What do you think about writing a love letter to your year? Mine is just an example of what is possible and how to go about doing it. Get creative! Do your own thing!

I would love to hear back from you and even read your letters if you want to share them!

If you are intrigued about how you can fall in love with your business, create an intentional relationship with your money so that you can rock out 2017! I invite you to contact me here and schedule a Discovery Call!

P.S. Join me in my Facebook Group Wealth, Worth, and Wisdom. It is a closed group so you will have to ask to be added.

8 Steps to Forgive With Love and Gratitude

nicole-cry-3Forgiveness work is tricky. I have been in therapy multiple times over the years, and the process of revealing and releasing pain and working towards forgiveness has been an ongoing journey. I have written letters that I have sent to people and some that I have burned. I have thrown my grievances into a fire and sent them gently down streams. Were these exercises helpful? Yes, I believe that they were in many instances. They helped me build pathways to new ways of thinking and experiencing my pain and the perpetrators of it.

As a therapist, I will admit that I have given similar homework to my clients and they have had a variety of results depending on their willingness to dig deep. Forgiveness work is tricky.

What I have continued to struggle with, has been how to forgive, and to let go of resentments and anger. I thought that I had forgiven those who harmed me including myself. I really did, but what I found is that when I engaged with that person or even thought of them, I would get sour and negative. Forgiveness is easier than recovering from the impact the event has on our life. Even so, I still sought to find new ways to forgive that will stick.

I want to back up here and say, that just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life.I am going to say that again, just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life. In fact, I think that 80 % or more of the time, those who have harmed us need to be in our rearview mirror. Yet, sometimes that person is someone that we love, and want to have in our lives in some small way that will not continue to harm us. That is where the hard work comes in.

I have forgiven scads of people, that I do not allow into my life anymore. They are permanently evicted from my sandbox! That has been easy! What has been hard had been setting loving limits, with emotional and physical boundaries with those that I want to still have in my life? What I have found is that having them in my life even in some small way continues to “poke the emotional bear” How can I be in a relationship with those that I have forgiven, without being re- wounded, and reminded of why they needed forgiveness in the first place? This is a delicate dance for sure.

This morning I meditated and yes I asked my angels and inner wisdom about this ongoing need to find forgiveness not just for past deeds but in the present. Especially when that person continues to live in their shadow and not seek the light. This is the message that I received.

“You have focused on the things that need to be forgiven enough. Now focus on loving that person and thanking them for the good things that they gave you” Hmm,Interesting

Ok so I have written down the “gifts” that came from overcoming the challenges that person or experience created for me, and while it was hard I could find them. But, I never looked for the gifts from the actual person. I had never allowed myself to looked at their light and explore what was there. I had only looked at how their shadow had impacted me and “forced” me to evolve or learn a life lesson.

So this is new for me. There may be those of you who are thinking “Oh my gosh Nicole how can you just be coming around to this” ? Fair enough, but I am a firm believer in timing and now is my time, because now I have an audience that can benefit from my tears.

Back to the List of Love and Gratitude. I sat down with my notebook and I wrote the person’s name at the top of the page. I began to write down the things that are good about this person and how I benefited from their goodness. How their light had impacted me in positive ways, and what I was grateful for that they given me. I will not lie, at first, it was hard because my wounded angry voice was quick to point out something BAD about this person with each positive thing I wrote down. This peep of mine would not be ignored so I took a breath, and I said to her “We have a lifetime of cataloging the bad things that this person did, we have ongoing evidence of how they wounded us, please do not think that you are being ignored, you aren’t. Allow me to find the light, because none of us exist fully in the darkness there is light to be found”. I promised her that I would keep her safe and that this was just a plot twist and experiment to see things from a new perspective.

Once I addressed her needs and soothed her she let go of her vice grip of negativity and the list flowed. The list flowed onto two pages I might add, and for the first time in years, I felt a deep release. I have documented that release in pictures because in the moment I felt a calling to show you what it looked like. Despite bed head, no makeup, and a blotchy face I needed to show you my pain. I thought that I would experience relief, but what I can tell you is that the first emotions were extreme pain and grief. It did not overtake me it just felt like a reverence for it, which allowed for love gratitude and relief to finds its way quickly to my heart.nicole-cry-1

It has changed me, and I will take this exercise and complete it again with the others who are on that list. I know this was a long post, and if you are still with me I am so grateful for your attention and for witnessing my journey. I hope that it will give you some hope and a tool that you can use to find some true forgiveness as well. I am going to outline the steps that I took but before I do that I want to speak to you about safety. Listen carefully. Forgiveness work can be transformational but it can also be highly triggering. Remember that I have had years in therapy and tons of personal development work as a coach. So I want to make a few points.

If you decide to try these steps that I outline, I want you to make sure that you are grounded. Say a prayer for safety first to the source of light that you rely on. I want you to allow yourself to go into the process without judgments of yourself. If you feel too emotional, or unsafe at any point I want you to stop, and again say a prayer to your guiding light and come back again later. You do not have to barrel through these steps. You know yourself and if you feel triggered take care of yourself and step away. Do not underestimate the power of this process.

Here are the steps that I took:

  1. I picked the person I wanted to focus on and wrote their name at the top of the page.
  2. I invited my angels and inner wisdom to help support me through it.
  3. I began to think of that person with love and gratitude.
  4. I wrote down a list of the things that I love about that person.
  5. I wrote a list of the things that this person did for me that were loving and good and that I am thankful for.
  6. When my inner voice got angry and tried to divert me back to my old way of thinking about this person, by reminding me of the bad things? I simply acknowledged her, and invited her to be a part of the new perception and honored her feelings.
  7. I gave thanks to my inner wisdom and guides, and let the tears flow.
  8. I journaled about my experience, and how it made me feel and what it is like to look at this person with new eyes.

What I had hoped for in going through this process, was to find some neutrality. I was not seeking to take this person from Villan to Hero. I simply wanted to take my perception of this person from Villan to neutral. In reality, it will not change anything about how I interact with this person in real life. We will not frolic in the daisies and go on picnics. NOPE, things will look much the same, but I WILL FEEL differently.

Now I am sharing this with you, in the hopes that it will create a ripple of forgiveness in your life. However, I do want to remind you that forgiveness does not mean those people who have harmed you are allowed access to you. For example, if a family member has been abusive in some way you can find forgiveness for them, but it does NOT require you to allow them access to harm you again. Physical and emotional safety is always a priority when we are working on forgiveness.

If this was helpful, please comment below, or send me a message by clicking here.  Are you interested in a deeper discussion on how you can find forgiveness? Contact me to find out more about my coaching programs. 

If you would like to hang out with me and a group of other amazing folks? Join us in my Facebook Group Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you.