Tag Archives: Limiting Beliefs

Spring Into Abundance

It is the first day of Spring! This makes me particularly happy because it hits me in all the right mindset places. I live in Pennsylvania so it gets dark cold and dreary here, which is hard for a girl who grew up in the sunnier state of North Carolina. So, I live for spring and the extended daylight and all of the promise that it brings.

So how can Spring help you with abundance? Oh, and will you forgive me for using the word abundance? I know that it is an overplayed marketing buzzword these days but I have not found a better word to use yet. ( taking suggestions)

Back to the topic at hand. How can Spring help you with abundance? In soo many ways! When we think about Spring it brings to mind life, growth, abundance, rebirth! We can take this fertile time of rebirth to set intentions for our life, business, and money.

I want you to take a moment, and think about what you love about Spring. What about it excites you? When you ponder it, I bet you begin to think of all of the activities you can do again, creating the yard and home you love again by planting, clearing and cleaning. Do you imagine yourself taking walks outside taking in all of the gorgeous flowers, trees, and budding wildlife? It is quite miraculous, isn’t it? What does it make you want to do?

Spring is my most creative time and the time of year that I must want to launch programs and be amongst the world. Launch coming more on that in a later post!

Here are 3 Steps that you can take to “ Spring into Abundance”

  1. Right now I want to visualize all of the lush colors of spring and I want you to take out a piece of paper, your journal or a document on your computer. Then, I want you to write down 3 intentions that you have for your business. What are 3 things that you want to grow this spring? ( I would love to hear them)
  2. I want you to write down 3 incomes goals that you have for your business. First, the number you are averaging now plus 10%, the number that you want to be making, and then finally the outrageous number that would make you toe curling happy! What steps can you take to begin making these numbers come to life?
  3. I want you to imagine what it would feel like to have the business of your dreams, the money in your outrageous goal, and the lifestyle that it would afford you. Write it down. Visualize it.

We must be able to see what we want to create. When we plant a seed for a flower we have a pretty good idea what that flower will look like, we water it and attend to it because we intentionally planted that seed and are nurturing the outcome. Setting intentions in our money and business are much the same.

Visualize what you want, write it down and set the intention and the follow the dream. Spring is a great time to do this. So why not start today? Let me help you set the intentions for your money and your business.

What would it mean to you if by the first day of summer you had met at least half of these goals? Let me help you get there. By filling out this form, you can request a complimentary discovery call to get started now.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

Why I Don’t Want You To Fake It Until You Make It!

I used to be a clinical supervisor for a methadone clinic, and I have a vast amount of experience with addictions. I would say 80% of my direct practice had some kind of treatment of addictions at its core. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a client say “ Fake it til you make it” or even better a dollar for every time a therapist or self-help group told them to do this.

It never sat well with me, I did not like the saying or what I saw this mantra  “ DO” to those clients. It set them up to lie to themselves. That inner voice of theirs, that critic reared its head every time someone would say that phrase. What I have come to learn is that our inner critic, shadow, saboteur whatever you want to call it does NOT appreciate being lied to. Nor, does it appreciate being ignored.

The more the client’s faked it, the further away from their inner voices and guidance they got. They would then be triggered by the inauthentic way they were showing up in the world, which would trigger their shame and send them into a downward spiral towards relapse. Now, I am sure that there will be 12 step followers who are aggravated with me right now because they have used this mantra as part of their recovery. I believe that if they look closer they will see it was not this mantra, that helped them recover, it was the targeted steps they took towards their goal, showing up real and raw to the world and learning how to heal their shame.

If you disagree with me that is A-OK with me, I wish you well and I am happy for your recovery. I send you light and love.

However, you will not hear me say Fake it til you make it to my clients. I have heard this phrase used by other coaches, speakers, personal development gurus and each and every time I cringe. I DO NOT WANT you to fake anything because it will trigger your Inner Critic to call bullshit on you. Once your Inner Critic calls BS all bets are off and it will actively work at getting you to take another course.

No, do not lie to yourself. Do not fake anything. Please!  So, you may be wondering what to do instead.  I am so glad you asked. I want you to learn how to OWN IT UNTIL YOU GROW IT!

  1. Be honest with yourself about your emotion in this moment. Hold no judgments about it and just be curious.
  2. Feel your feelings, I KNOW THIS IS SO SCARY, but do it anyway! Feel your feelings so that you can take a breath and ask your inner voice. Why am I feeling this way and what does the part of me that is triggered need right now?
  3. Pause and wait for an answer, again with curiosity and no judgments.
  4. Talk with someone you trust to discuss what steps and intentions you need to put in place to achieve the goals you want. It is important that these steps and intentions feel possible and are in alignment with your authentic self. Not just a list of things that someone else tells you that you SHOULD DO!
  5. Wake up each morning and make a small list of intentions for the day, and at the end of the day celebrate those you attained. You must celebrate your progress, and this is impossible to do if you are faking it.

It is my deepest desire to help my clients create a pathway towards empowerment in all areas of their lives, including money, business, self-worth. This requires us to get to know ourselves better, identify our patterns of behavior so that we can change them, and not simply fake it!

Do you want to learn how to Own it until you Grow it? Does a pathway to empowerment sound like a groovy idea? Fill out this form to contact me for a complimentary discovery call.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

 

8 Steps to Forgive With Love and Gratitude

nicole-cry-3Forgiveness work is tricky. I have been in therapy multiple times over the years, and the process of revealing and releasing pain and working towards forgiveness has been an ongoing journey. I have written letters that I have sent to people and some that I have burned. I have thrown my grievances into a fire and sent them gently down streams. Were these exercises helpful? Yes, I believe that they were in many instances. They helped me build pathways to new ways of thinking and experiencing my pain and the perpetrators of it.

As a therapist, I will admit that I have given similar homework to my clients and they have had a variety of results depending on their willingness to dig deep. Forgiveness work is tricky.

What I have continued to struggle with, has been how to forgive, and to let go of resentments and anger. I thought that I had forgiven those who harmed me including myself. I really did, but what I found is that when I engaged with that person or even thought of them, I would get sour and negative. Forgiveness is easier than recovering from the impact the event has on our life. Even so, I still sought to find new ways to forgive that will stick.

I want to back up here and say, that just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life.I am going to say that again, just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life. In fact, I think that 80 % or more of the time, those who have harmed us need to be in our rearview mirror. Yet, sometimes that person is someone that we love, and want to have in our lives in some small way that will not continue to harm us. That is where the hard work comes in.

I have forgiven scads of people, that I do not allow into my life anymore. They are permanently evicted from my sandbox! That has been easy! What has been hard had been setting loving limits, with emotional and physical boundaries with those that I want to still have in my life? What I have found is that having them in my life even in some small way continues to “poke the emotional bear” How can I be in a relationship with those that I have forgiven, without being re- wounded, and reminded of why they needed forgiveness in the first place? This is a delicate dance for sure.

This morning I meditated and yes I asked my angels and inner wisdom about this ongoing need to find forgiveness not just for past deeds but in the present. Especially when that person continues to live in their shadow and not seek the light. This is the message that I received.

“You have focused on the things that need to be forgiven enough. Now focus on loving that person and thanking them for the good things that they gave you” Hmm,Interesting

Ok so I have written down the “gifts” that came from overcoming the challenges that person or experience created for me, and while it was hard I could find them. But, I never looked for the gifts from the actual person. I had never allowed myself to looked at their light and explore what was there. I had only looked at how their shadow had impacted me and “forced” me to evolve or learn a life lesson.

So this is new for me. There may be those of you who are thinking “Oh my gosh Nicole how can you just be coming around to this” ? Fair enough, but I am a firm believer in timing and now is my time, because now I have an audience that can benefit from my tears.

Back to the List of Love and Gratitude. I sat down with my notebook and I wrote the person’s name at the top of the page. I began to write down the things that are good about this person and how I benefited from their goodness. How their light had impacted me in positive ways, and what I was grateful for that they given me. I will not lie, at first, it was hard because my wounded angry voice was quick to point out something BAD about this person with each positive thing I wrote down. This peep of mine would not be ignored so I took a breath, and I said to her “We have a lifetime of cataloging the bad things that this person did, we have ongoing evidence of how they wounded us, please do not think that you are being ignored, you aren’t. Allow me to find the light, because none of us exist fully in the darkness there is light to be found”. I promised her that I would keep her safe and that this was just a plot twist and experiment to see things from a new perspective.

Once I addressed her needs and soothed her she let go of her vice grip of negativity and the list flowed. The list flowed onto two pages I might add, and for the first time in years, I felt a deep release. I have documented that release in pictures because in the moment I felt a calling to show you what it looked like. Despite bed head, no makeup, and a blotchy face I needed to show you my pain. I thought that I would experience relief, but what I can tell you is that the first emotions were extreme pain and grief. It did not overtake me it just felt like a reverence for it, which allowed for love gratitude and relief to finds its way quickly to my heart.nicole-cry-1

It has changed me, and I will take this exercise and complete it again with the others who are on that list. I know this was a long post, and if you are still with me I am so grateful for your attention and for witnessing my journey. I hope that it will give you some hope and a tool that you can use to find some true forgiveness as well. I am going to outline the steps that I took but before I do that I want to speak to you about safety. Listen carefully. Forgiveness work can be transformational but it can also be highly triggering. Remember that I have had years in therapy and tons of personal development work as a coach. So I want to make a few points.

If you decide to try these steps that I outline, I want you to make sure that you are grounded. Say a prayer for safety first to the source of light that you rely on. I want you to allow yourself to go into the process without judgments of yourself. If you feel too emotional, or unsafe at any point I want you to stop, and again say a prayer to your guiding light and come back again later. You do not have to barrel through these steps. You know yourself and if you feel triggered take care of yourself and step away. Do not underestimate the power of this process.

Here are the steps that I took:

  1. I picked the person I wanted to focus on and wrote their name at the top of the page.
  2. I invited my angels and inner wisdom to help support me through it.
  3. I began to think of that person with love and gratitude.
  4. I wrote down a list of the things that I love about that person.
  5. I wrote a list of the things that this person did for me that were loving and good and that I am thankful for.
  6. When my inner voice got angry and tried to divert me back to my old way of thinking about this person, by reminding me of the bad things? I simply acknowledged her, and invited her to be a part of the new perception and honored her feelings.
  7. I gave thanks to my inner wisdom and guides, and let the tears flow.
  8. I journaled about my experience, and how it made me feel and what it is like to look at this person with new eyes.

What I had hoped for in going through this process, was to find some neutrality. I was not seeking to take this person from Villan to Hero. I simply wanted to take my perception of this person from Villan to neutral. In reality, it will not change anything about how I interact with this person in real life. We will not frolic in the daisies and go on picnics. NOPE, things will look much the same, but I WILL FEEL differently.

Now I am sharing this with you, in the hopes that it will create a ripple of forgiveness in your life. However, I do want to remind you that forgiveness does not mean those people who have harmed you are allowed access to you. For example, if a family member has been abusive in some way you can find forgiveness for them, but it does NOT require you to allow them access to harm you again. Physical and emotional safety is always a priority when we are working on forgiveness.

If this was helpful, please comment below, or send me a message by clicking here.  Are you interested in a deeper discussion on how you can find forgiveness? Contact me to find out more about my coaching programs. 

If you would like to hang out with me and a group of other amazing folks? Join us in my Facebook Group Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you.

Money Mindset Taking the Mystery Out of Making Money

Sometimes you just need a client to share their experience of what it was like to change their mindset around money. I could not say any of this any better than she did, and I am so thankful that Jeannie Spiro wrote up this amazing blog post where she includes her work with me around money mindset. I am going to share her blog post here as it is an amazing testimonial to what can happen when you work on your mindset. Even successful business coaches have room to move their mindset to manifest BIGGER money and opportunities.

If you have a money mindset that includes things like money trauma, scarcity thinking, money shame, and downright fear, you are not alone. Much of our current experience with money is predicated on messages from our past. The good news is that when these old messages show up in the present, we can address them and release them with the proper support and tools.

Read on here

Isn’t there so much wisdom here? I am honored to call her a mentor, friend and kick ass client! SO much gold here!

If you recognize yourself in this post? If you too have that voice in your head that is keeping you from making the money you know you can. Please contact me and schedule a complimentary discovery call so we can put a plan in place to master your mindset.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

P.S. If you want to join us on Facebook ask to Join my group Wealth Worth and Wisdom

How Your Family Impacts Your Money Mindset

Hey there!

So in this post, I have included a video that I created where I talk more about family, money and shifting paradigms. I talk about a client who did not believe her history could impact her money, and how I showed her how easily our history can impart our money.

 The culture we grew up in informs our behaviors around all things including money

Check out the video, and find out why a Middle-Class Mindset is kryptonite to a business owner! 

I am curious to know how your family paradigm has impacted your money? Can you see where you may have let these untapped blocks get in the way of your creating more money in your business? If you would like to chat more about how to change your paradigm around money? Contact me...I would love to chat.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

Independence Day Has A Personal Meaning

Today is July 4th or Independence Day as we call it in the USA. Many of us think of fireworks, beach days, cookouts and celebrations when we think of this day. It is a patriotic holiday and one we celebrate as a country with pride and much fanfare.

But what if this day could be a celebration of much deeper meaning? When you consider the actions that took place for this holiday to even exist, what are some of the ideas that come to mind? Could it be acts of courage? Perhaps it is a desire to think out of the box and manifest something new? Maybe to create something that others have never even dreamed possible. Self-sacrifice comes to mind as well as a commitment to something bigger than ourselves.

What if we looked at this holiday as an opportunity to go within? To find deeper meaning in ourselves. What if we could decide that this is a day we give ourselves time for self-reflection and independence from those things that do not serve us.This day can be about the determination to not stay in a place where hope and possibility are unavailable to us. This day was founded on taking bold action against naysayers to do what “ cannot be done” If you pause to think maybe you need is deeply personal, a desire to find a home, where you can be your true self without judgments, fear or danger.

If you could search your heart in this moment and think of one thing that is holding you back? One thing that is making you feel chained to an old life or way of thinking? What would it be?

Is it the belief that you cannot make more money? That you will never have a successful business? The belief that finding love is for other people? Is it the feeling that you will never be free of depression or anxiety? Could it be that you are doomed to never truly express who you are without judgments? Are you chained by what “ they “ might think? Whoever THEY are….

I can tell you exactly what has kept me from feeling Independent. The entirety of my life until very recently I have felt less than and not worthy. These feelings of low self-worth have manifested in many ways throughout the years but the one steady expression has been that I have felt fat. Whether I was fat or not I have always felt fat. I binge ate, dieted and self-abused myself up to a unliveable weight. I was so heavy and sick that in 2006 I had weight loss surgery to get freedom from obesity. I did lose a significant amount of weight, but I never got my Independence or the freedom I was seeking.

You see there is more to fixing” feeling fat”, than just losing weight. I struggled to gain my worth for a long time.9 years later I am so much further on that path and I feel so much hope. I have gained self-worth and love. I have done the hard mindset work, I have been in therapy, I have had all of those steps needed for a hero’s journey. You know the ones, I will not go into them all. I find myself today at this point in time, where Independence Day is not about food or fireworks. It is deeply personal. I have taken one more step towards Independence.

IMG_20160704_094224644Today I loved myself enough to go to the gym and move my body out of love and not hate for it. I cannot tell you how huge this is, and how hard claiming my Independence from self-loathing and abuse has been. These are my final steps, I have the love of my life, I have safety and security, I have a business that I love, I have a belief in abundance and that good things are coming my way. Now I am taking steps to be free of that final chain…so that I can have a body that is healthy, that I love and that loves me.

My deepest desire for you is that you take a moment today and think of that thing that you need independence from. Perhaps you could journal about it, or tell a friend or loved one. Name it, and claim your independence from it with one small step.

If you need help in naming and claiming your independence from this “ thing” that is holding you back. I invite you to reach out to me and let me help you. You can do this, with support and guidance I promise it is possible. Schedule A Complimentary Discovery Session with Nicole Here

Wishing you many blessings on this Day of Independence.

Money Mindset! Is Wealth Yucky?

I bet the answer would surprise you! 

Ahhh money…it is a topic that we are uncomfortable talking about. We have a love hate relationship with it. We think we love it and want more of it, but we hate how it rules our lives and when others have more than we do.  Be honest with yourself really honest…when you find out that someone is making more money than you, or you see a celebrity “ flaunting their wealth” what are the immediate thoughts you have? I bet that they are judgments, jealousy or maybe something else.

Yes yes I know we can pretty quickly move to happiness for the person we KNOW who had a windfall , but those rich celebrities? I would venture to say that the wealthy still keep you envious.

So let me ask you this? If you, WE have these immediately triggered judgments about money and wealth. WHY oh why would you really want to have it? Who wants to be judged? Who wants their family and friends to be envious? We spend our whole lives trying to NOT be the Other! I promise you these unconscious blocks are play a major role in your leaving money on the table. We do not want that!. Check out this video where I discuss this block further:

What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Do you have any other ideas about how you get blocked around money and wealth? I would love to hear back from you.


P.S If you want to learn more about ways you can overcome your blocks to wealth? Sign up for a free Discovery Call with me to learn more. You can contact me here: Contact Nicole

You Cannot Charge What You Are Worth

I will admit it I have a pet peeve in this world of Money Mindset Coaching.  I hear this phrase over and over “ You need to  charge what you are worth” ! What? Charge what you are worth? First of all, how does one determine this? Second, how do you not compare you worth, when you price your services in comparison to others?

If your competitor charges two times the price you do does that mean that they are worth more? Um no. It does not work that way. It just doesn’t.

I was in Florida this past week at a coaching event and I heard this phrase spoken over and over, so it compelled to me to get on Facebook live and have a discussion about it. You can find that video here.

In this video I cover the following:

  1. You cannot charge what you are worth because YOU my dear are priceless! Priceless!!!
  2. You need to price your services so that they are congruent with your vision.
  3. You need to create and hone in on your vision so you know how to create congruency in pricing.

Many people including entrepreneurs, business owners, healers, coaches do need money mindset help. Each of us have a money story and many of those stories can get in the way of us creating that vision and feeling confident in charging for our services.

This is where I can help. If you want to talk more about how to charge for your services, and how to do so with confidence? I invite you to have a complimentary discovery call with me and I will help you get clarity. Start here.

Vulnerability is the Bat Signal For Your Inner Critic!

Have you ever stepped out of your comfort zone and did something big? Something different? Maybe something fun but still scary? How did you feel before? How did you feel afterwards? I have a hunch you had a range of emotions that ran from butterflies in your stomach, irritation, anxiety and maybe afterwards regret.

So why, then do we have these feelings of discomfort when we step up and do something new or different? I will tell you why! It is because when we do something new or different it makes us vulnerable, and VULNERABILITY is the Bat Signal for your Inner Critic! Or your Inner Peeps as I often call them!

You know that voice the one that shoulds all over you? The one that is in your ear constantly trying to control your actions and feelings; and is often relentless. Yup. I know that voice too.

I am all about transparency, my clients know that I share victories and challenges. We walk through this coaching experience together. Earlier this week I got head shots done for my business and it prompted me to do a series of videos to show you what happens with our Inner Critic and how I can show to handle it.

Video One- The Leap

Video Two- The Chatter

Video Three-Mastery

Enjoy them, learn from them, and I would love it if you could give feedback about your Inner Critic.

PS: If you want to learn more about strategies for Firing Your Inner Critic, I invite you to download my free Book on the topic by signing up for my newsletter.

 

2016 kicking your butt? I’ll tell you why and what to do!

The holidays are over, many of us are coming up for air from all of the Holiday celebrations and expectations.  There are so many things that we “put on hold until after the Holidays” that have now come due. Perhaps you have made some resolutions that you want to begin to tackle? Maybe it is time to go back to work and make a dent in the things that have piled up on your desk?

This time of year creates an interesting energetic dynamic. We want to speed up and tackle a New Year New You, we have finally let go of the additional holiday obligations and we are ready to rocket into our NEW YEAR! There is a push and pull between emerging and and manifesting and mastering! And guess what? We want to do it all at once!

So here you are ya’ll ready to rumble! Resolutions made, word of the year picked, or a “to do” list written on the wall. You are like a prized fighter hopping around on the side of the ring ready to go in and KICK 2016’s butt! Only to get your ass knocked out by January 5th.

Then something cracks, something spectacular happens about January 5th! Complete and absolute overwhelm! Take heart, it is not your fault. Let me tell you why.

  1. Many of us have had a month or two hijacked in the nicest of ways by extra obligations due to the holidays. So much of the self care, work obligations, and down time have fallen by the wayside. We go into survival mode, what MUST be done gets done, the rest gets put off.
  2. We fall into a mindset of After the Holidays I will take care of…..and all of those things we want to do and take care of pile up.
  3. The extra energy that we have used up on managing family dynamics and expectations have depleted your reserves. Even if you have the nicest and most functional of families, if you get them all together in one place it is bound to zap your energy at some point.
  4. The money that you cheerfully spent on presents, party and travel are now manifesting in your depleted bank account, or perhaps your expanding credit card balance.
  5. The New Year is upon you and you want to make resolutions, and changes in your life that you want to start NOW! January 1st. And not only do you want to start them now you want to do them perfectly from the jump! And why not? You are already tired, depleted and behind why not add more expectations to the mix.
  6. You are being bombarded by Diet Programs, Financial Programs, Beauty Programs, Fitness Centers! All telling you what you should be focusing on, giving you special pricing if you sign up now now now!

Oh my gosh! Breathe. Lets all just take a breath. Is it any wonder we are overwhelmed? Is there any surprise that there are tears, arguments, and feelings of failure before we have even begun. Breathe, be kind to yourself and just take a moment:

Here are some tips and encouragement that I have for ya’ll.

  1. Breathe, yes taking a deep cleansing breath with a pause is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. We as human beings do not breathe correctly, we take short shallow breaths. Take a moment for a deep mindful breath, I promise you that you will feel just a tad better.
  2. Fire the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee in your head that is telling you that you have to do all of these things! This negative Inner Critic that tells you all of the things you must do. It tells you that  you must have a ” perfect holiday” with all of the obligations it deceives you into believing you must meet. Worst of all this voice that does not even give you a moments rest between 2 of the hardest months of the year, and a NEW YEAR NEW YOU requirement! For goodness sake! Tell that voice to shut up!
  3. Instead of making resolutions and other punitive vows for the new year, how about being gentle with yourself? Pick one word that you can focus on for the year. This is what I do and what we do in our Facebook Group The Resolute Word. We dump the resolutions for a kinder gentler focus of one word for the year. My word this year is Honor. I have made no other resolutions, I will Honor myself first. Will I bet perfect at it? NO. But guess what I am on top of that Itty Bitty Shitty Committee at all times, and I know how to adjourn their meeting.
  4. If your  self care went out the window, increase it in small ways. Breathe, sleep an extra 10 mins if you can, give yourself a technology break for 10 mins. Listen to music. There are so many things you can add in, in small amounts that can add up.
  5. Release the New Year New You mentality. There is this weird belief you must change yourself NOW and if you have not mastered it by the end of January you never will. First you are precious just as you are. If you want to enhance your life I invite you to do so, but to also remember this. YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE YEAR TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

So dear gentle reader. Lets all be kinder to ourselves, and try not to believe the hype! Acknowledge that this time of year is full of funky energy and that we have the right to ease back into our lives in our own way.

What are you doing to ease back into your life? Did you make resolutions or did you choose a word? I would love to hear from you if you are feeling the pressure and overwhelm, and how you are handling it? Or not handling it. That is OK too. Please comment below.