Tag Archives: Success

Why I Don’t Want You To Fake It Until You Make It!

I used to be a clinical supervisor for a methadone clinic, and I have a vast amount of experience with addictions. I would say 80% of my direct practice had some kind of treatment of addictions at its core. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a client say “ Fake it til you make it” or even better a dollar for every time a therapist or self-help group told them to do this.

It never sat well with me, I did not like the saying or what I saw this mantra  “ DO” to those clients. It set them up to lie to themselves. That inner voice of theirs, that critic reared its head every time someone would say that phrase. What I have come to learn is that our inner critic, shadow, saboteur whatever you want to call it does NOT appreciate being lied to. Nor, does it appreciate being ignored.

The more the client’s faked it, the further away from their inner voices and guidance they got. They would then be triggered by the inauthentic way they were showing up in the world, which would trigger their shame and send them into a downward spiral towards relapse. Now, I am sure that there will be 12 step followers who are aggravated with me right now because they have used this mantra as part of their recovery. I believe that if they look closer they will see it was not this mantra, that helped them recover, it was the targeted steps they took towards their goal, showing up real and raw to the world and learning how to heal their shame.

If you disagree with me that is A-OK with me, I wish you well and I am happy for your recovery. I send you light and love.

However, you will not hear me say Fake it til you make it to my clients. I have heard this phrase used by other coaches, speakers, personal development gurus and each and every time I cringe. I DO NOT WANT you to fake anything because it will trigger your Inner Critic to call bullshit on you. Once your Inner Critic calls BS all bets are off and it will actively work at getting you to take another course.

No, do not lie to yourself. Do not fake anything. Please!  So, you may be wondering what to do instead.  I am so glad you asked. I want you to learn how to OWN IT UNTIL YOU GROW IT!

  1. Be honest with yourself about your emotion in this moment. Hold no judgments about it and just be curious.
  2. Feel your feelings, I KNOW THIS IS SO SCARY, but do it anyway! Feel your feelings so that you can take a breath and ask your inner voice. Why am I feeling this way and what does the part of me that is triggered need right now?
  3. Pause and wait for an answer, again with curiosity and no judgments.
  4. Talk with someone you trust to discuss what steps and intentions you need to put in place to achieve the goals you want. It is important that these steps and intentions feel possible and are in alignment with your authentic self. Not just a list of things that someone else tells you that you SHOULD DO!
  5. Wake up each morning and make a small list of intentions for the day, and at the end of the day celebrate those you attained. You must celebrate your progress, and this is impossible to do if you are faking it.

It is my deepest desire to help my clients create a pathway towards empowerment in all areas of their lives, including money, business, self-worth. This requires us to get to know ourselves better, identify our patterns of behavior so that we can change them, and not simply fake it!

Do you want to learn how to Own it until you Grow it? Does a pathway to empowerment sound like a groovy idea? Fill out this form to contact me for a complimentary discovery call.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

 

Nothing is free..can you afford the real price?

Have you ever gotten free samples at Costco or Whole Foods? Come on, you know you have. In fact, I know some people who take their lunch break and nosh on free samples. It is OK I don’t judge. But I do want to ask you a question? How many times did you actually buy the full price item of the thing you sampled? Maybe 25% of the time at best? Most of the time don’t you just take your freebie and run?

How many samples of cosmetics or personal care items have you grabbed that ended up living a sad lonely life in the bottom of a basket or drawer? What is the % of times that the sample actually led to a purchase from you? Is it pretty low right?

I cannot tell you how many clients I have worked with in direct sales who have put time and effort into making, packaging and distributing freebies or had giveaways that rarely resulted in customers.

Are you seeing a pattern here? Free can have a high price tag when you are a small business owner or entrepreneur. I suppose that Costco or Sephora can front the cost of giving things away and the return on their investment is worth it. Not always the case if you are in business for yourself.

I myself am not above the fray. Let me give you a few examples of freebies, that did not work out for me.

  1. My very first experience with people disregarding something that they did not invest in was early on in my coaching practice. I had a very satisfied client who wanted her employees to also experience the coaching and the life changing experience that she had. This employer purchased my money mindset coaching program for 4 of her employees as a gift. How nice of her right? Anyone would jump at high-level coaching gifted to them, right? Not so true. Of the 4 employees, 1 attended 3 calls then bailed, 1 attended almost all then disappeared before the last call. 1 never cashed in and 1 went all the way through it with a grateful heart and is still a fan.
  2. Every once in awhile I will get a wild hair and decide to do something crazy. While in New Orleans in September this year, I decided to offer a 3 in 30 to my newsletter list. In this newsletter, I offered to give away 3, 30 min coaching sessions to the first 3 people who responded. 3 people responded right away and grabbed the sessions, only 1 of the 3 actually scheduled and attended.
  3. I have been in 2 giveaways where a lucky winner whose name was drawn would win a 60-minute coaching session with me. Of those 4 winners, only one person scheduled a call and redeemed their prize.

I guess you can see what I am going for. Right? Most of the time people do not value what they do not invest in. They have to have some skin in the game to take it seriously. If you undercharge for your services, they will not be respected and often times not purchased at all. If you give things away most of the time the people who would take it are not your ideal client and are not going to invest in your products or services.

There are some circumstances where giveaways can be of value but I have not found one yet. I am also not saying that there are not people out there who are not happy that they got your freebie but in my case, they have not ended up being clients.

The cautionary tale here is. Do not give away that which you cannot afford to. You cannot afford to give away your time. I had a client who was a personal trainer who offered a free in-person assessment and people routinely stood her up. That was an hour of her life she could not get back and one she could not afford to give. If you spend hours putting together samples and you see that it is not getting you a high rate of return? Think again.

I am not saying to never give anything away for free. I am giving you free advice right now correct? But it is something I can afford to give away because the time and effort it takes me to write this post are worth it due to a large number of people who will read it and learn from it. Remember this as you are creating pricing and putting a value on your time. What do you want to focus on? Discounts? Or Abundance?

I hope this was helpful to you. I would love to hear back from you about scenarios where a freebie was a flop. Or if you want to learn more about money and mindset and how it relates to your business? Contact me here!

 

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

7 Steps Towards Hope and Healing Post Election

This is not a political blog.I am reluctant to invite the energy of politics and all that comes with it into my little blog bubble. But what do you do when your friends, family, and clients ask you with shaky voices, so what happens on Wednesday? They know that no matter who is elected, that the road to this election has created divisiveness in their own lives, and they fear it will continue. What do I tell them? How do I help when too am worried? I suppose we get back to basics. So this is my feeble attempt to be of some help to you when you wake up Wednesday morning on 11/9/16 regardless of if your candidate won, and regardless of if you are an American. I have many friends family and clients all over the world who feel just as helpless about this race.

7 Steps Towards Hope and Healing Post Election:

  1. Take a deep breath and know that you will be OK. You have more influence than you think, you are an influencer of the world and your little square within it. Try not to feel hopeless and helpless. Spend a moment and send love to yourself, those who have been less than kind, and to both candidates. Loving energy can change the world, what we focus on expands, so focus on love.
  2. Remember what we were taught on the playground anyone who knows me knows that sports are not my wheelhouse. I do not follow sports nor do I play them. However, I do remember as a child being taught during recess and on my softball team that being a gracious winner and not a sore loser are skills for life. Take a moment to give the other side a mental or actual handshake and say “well done”. We meet in the middle and say good game. We then go and analyze our part in the outcome, What could I have done better? What strengths did they possess? Or what did we do well, and can build on for next time? Destroying each other and tearing it down offers no personal growth opportunity. Don’t take your ball and go home, stay in the game this is where the gold is.
  3. Take a hard look in the mirror. Ask yourself. Have I been kind? Have I been harsh and judged people for their choice? Have I been quick to argue with complete strangers on Facebook or twitter just because I needed to get my angst and anger out? If the answer is yes, you are in good company. It is so easy to do. We must look at our own behaviors and be honest about where we have fallen short. We cannot change others behaviors only our own. When we can truly assess our part in the division and ripples of anger, only then can we have more patience for the other person. We go from being a victim to a participant.
  4. Know that you did not win or lose. Just because your candidate won does not make YOU RIGHT or the other WRONG. All it indicates is that your candidate represented a larger section of the country that agrees with their policy. If you can really take this on, you will be less likely to  gloat if your candidate is chosen and less likely to want to fight back because your candidate was not chosen. Notice again I said chosen not win or lose.
  5. Resist the urge to create more division. In truth as opposite as we can be on issues, I know without a doubt that there are some common beliefs, values, and issues that we all hold dear. Seek to be curious about what the “other” side has in common with you, we have talked ENOUGH about how we are different. Find common ground and focus on those issues, what we focus on expands. We can be expansive in our connection and collective next steps.
  6. Take action- contact your representatives whether you voted for them or not. Tell them that you do not want 8 more years of obstruction, anger, and refusal to find common ground. Tell them that you want them to find a place to come together on issues and you expect them to act with integrity. Tell them that you support them in taking those tentative steps towards working with the other party on important issues that benefit us all. Give them permission to get out of the partisan shackles.
  7. Finally- express radical gratitude. We have our problems but we still have much to be grateful for. When you can find 3 things each day that you are grateful for it changes your vibration. It takes you from fear to love. I have said it before what you focus on expands so above all focus on gratitude and love.

I know that we can make a shift in our country for the better of us all no matter who is selected as President if we are really willing to take these steps. I am grateful that this election has gotten us out of apathy and inspired us as a nation to pay attention. I am grateful that I was able to vote in a historic election. I am grateful that I have learned how to send love to those I find challenging as a way to survive in this hostile climate.

We can do great things if we are willing to take a look at ourselves first, be honest about how we have contributed to the breakdown, and open to doing the divine work of fixing it. What a huge opportunity we have here….

I hope my friends, family, and clients who have sought out comfort from me will find some in this post. Wishing you all peace on your path. 

P.S. If this resonates with you please share…comment or contact me here with feedback

Shameless Promotion

#IamBeingBoss by posting about my first online program. I say shameless promotion and I mean it! How many times have you made an offer for your services, voice shaky, palms sweaty as you put a price on your life’s work? Only for someone to say ” that is too much” , ” I don’t have the money for that” and my favorite after these others statements are made….wait for it.  ” I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY BLOCKS” 

I feel you! So what do I do as a Money Mindset Expert when I launch my online program and webinar and have not one sale in 24 hours?  I use my tools, I tap for my frustration, I look at the psychology of buying and see where I can make changes, I know that I did not spend enough time actually promoting my program. Do I let the ” Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” weigh in on my worth? Hell no! DO I give up? Of course not!

This is not personal people, I know what I offer is of HIGH LIFE CHANGING VALUE, it is all logistics. SO I make a shameless promotion! Here is what my clients have said about the results they have gotten from working with me.

“I was able to release money blocks and step into hosting a one of a kind live event”

Jeannie Spiro

Business, Marketing & Sales Strategist

Founder of www.JeannieSpiro.com

 

“I am thrilled to begin this new chapter debt free”

Donna Cravotta

CEO, Social Visibility Expert, Social Sage PR LLC 

 

Still, think you don’t need this? Think again. Are you starting to feel like there is shame in promoting yourself or your business? Shameful feelings in making an offer and putting a price on your services? Should there be shame in promotion? If you have even a hint of a YES to this question, we need to talk.

I am excited that there are TWO ways that you can work with me now. You can take advantage of my online course by clicking here and getting it for $497 for a short time. The first 10 people who sign up will get a one on one coaching call with me which is valued at $275.

If you are not an online program person and want to work with me one on one? Here is the link to schedule a discovery call with me. 

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

 

 

Money Mindset Taking the Mystery Out of Making Money

Sometimes you just need a client to share their experience of what it was like to change their mindset around money. I could not say any of this any better than she did, and I am so thankful that Jeannie Spiro wrote up this amazing blog post where she includes her work with me around money mindset. I am going to share her blog post here as it is an amazing testimonial to what can happen when you work on your mindset. Even successful business coaches have room to move their mindset to manifest BIGGER money and opportunities.

If you have a money mindset that includes things like money trauma, scarcity thinking, money shame, and downright fear, you are not alone. Much of our current experience with money is predicated on messages from our past. The good news is that when these old messages show up in the present, we can address them and release them with the proper support and tools.

Read on here

Isn’t there so much wisdom here? I am honored to call her a mentor, friend and kick ass client! SO much gold here!

If you recognize yourself in this post? If you too have that voice in your head that is keeping you from making the money you know you can. Please contact me and schedule a complimentary discovery call so we can put a plan in place to master your mindset.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

P.S. If you want to join us on Facebook ask to Join my group Wealth Worth and Wisdom

How Your Family Impacts Your Money Mindset

Hey there!

So in this post, I have included a video that I created where I talk more about family, money and shifting paradigms. I talk about a client who did not believe her history could impact her money, and how I showed her how easily our history can impart our money.

 The culture we grew up in informs our behaviors around all things including money

Check out the video, and find out why a Middle-Class Mindset is kryptonite to a business owner! 

I am curious to know how your family paradigm has impacted your money? Can you see where you may have let these untapped blocks get in the way of your creating more money in your business? If you would like to chat more about how to change your paradigm around money? Contact me...I would love to chat.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

Money Mindset! Is Wealth Yucky?

I bet the answer would surprise you! 

Ahhh money…it is a topic that we are uncomfortable talking about. We have a love hate relationship with it. We think we love it and want more of it, but we hate how it rules our lives and when others have more than we do.  Be honest with yourself really honest…when you find out that someone is making more money than you, or you see a celebrity “ flaunting their wealth” what are the immediate thoughts you have? I bet that they are judgments, jealousy or maybe something else.

Yes yes I know we can pretty quickly move to happiness for the person we KNOW who had a windfall , but those rich celebrities? I would venture to say that the wealthy still keep you envious.

So let me ask you this? If you, WE have these immediately triggered judgments about money and wealth. WHY oh why would you really want to have it? Who wants to be judged? Who wants their family and friends to be envious? We spend our whole lives trying to NOT be the Other! I promise you these unconscious blocks are play a major role in your leaving money on the table. We do not want that!. Check out this video where I discuss this block further:

What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Do you have any other ideas about how you get blocked around money and wealth? I would love to hear back from you.


P.S If you want to learn more about ways you can overcome your blocks to wealth? Sign up for a free Discovery Call with me to learn more. You can contact me here: Contact Nicole

You Cannot Charge What You Are Worth

I will admit it I have a pet peeve in this world of Money Mindset Coaching.  I hear this phrase over and over “ You need to  charge what you are worth” ! What? Charge what you are worth? First of all, how does one determine this? Second, how do you not compare you worth, when you price your services in comparison to others?

If your competitor charges two times the price you do does that mean that they are worth more? Um no. It does not work that way. It just doesn’t.

I was in Florida this past week at a coaching event and I heard this phrase spoken over and over, so it compelled to me to get on Facebook live and have a discussion about it. You can find that video here.

In this video I cover the following:

  1. You cannot charge what you are worth because YOU my dear are priceless! Priceless!!!
  2. You need to price your services so that they are congruent with your vision.
  3. You need to create and hone in on your vision so you know how to create congruency in pricing.

Many people including entrepreneurs, business owners, healers, coaches do need money mindset help. Each of us have a money story and many of those stories can get in the way of us creating that vision and feeling confident in charging for our services.

This is where I can help. If you want to talk more about how to charge for your services, and how to do so with confidence? I invite you to have a complimentary discovery call with me and I will help you get clarity. Start here.

Forgive me a Little March Madness

March is a rough month, each year at this time I see a spike in interpersonal chaos. Marriages I thought were solid dissolve, friendships end, financial and employment crisis seem to manifest. Even the weather gets touchy—in like a lion and out like a lamb—the rumble between winter and spring, dark and light, sunny and warm followed by a chance of storms.

So in honor of the stormy, unstable, beautiful mess that is March Madness I offered up the opportunity for people from my tribe to request a blog post topic. This call was answered by an amazingly talented, intelligent and dynamic woman by the name of Brenda who requested a post on How to Forgive.

This seems an appropriate topic, the emotional and energetic volatility that we experience in March often puts us in the path of conflict. We find ourselves experiencing more incidences, and interactions with people that may require forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a topic that is an ongoing source of exploration for me and my clients. The first question is:

Do we have to forgive?

For the longest time, I was not sure that we had to. To this day, I am not sure that I fully have forgiven some people, including myself. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the concept of the Book of Offenses and how we spend so much time and energy recording in and carrying around this book. In that moment when we record that offense against that person, situation or experience it feels GOOD doesn’t it? We scribble that offense down and tag the offenders and make angry notes in the margins. Anytime we think about letting it go, we flip back to that page and see that red angry writing where we recorded that offense and we get fired up again!

Elizabeth Gilbert goes on to share this about the book,

…over the years, you can become broken and sick from carrying around your Book of Offenses forever on your back. Your spine and your soul can be crushed beneath that heavy granite slab, with its names carved so deep. You get so bent and twisted beneath that unforgiveness that you cannot even lift your face to the sky anymore. Then what has your life become? How can you fly? How can you ever be free?

This is a pretty profound endorsement for forgiveness, who wants to be bent over and sick from carrying that HUGE book of offenses? I sure don’t. So then what? How do we forgive, and furthermore what does that mean?

Iyanla VanZant teaches a course on forgiveness. This is an excerpt from one of her posts

Forgiveness doesn’t mean agreeing with, condoning, or even liking what has happened. Forgiveness means letting go and knowing that—regardless of how challenging, frightening, or difficult an experience may seem—everything is just as it needs to be in order for you to grow and learn.

This is an important distinction. Forgiveness does not mean you agree with or condone what has happened!

Hear me people, when I say forgiveness does not equal accepting bad behavior nor does it require you to allow this person access to your current life. You can forgive someone for purely selfish reasons, and create epic boundaries so that they can not  wound you around your power again. FORGIVENESS DOES NOT LET THEM OFF THE HOOK!

Iyanla also goes on to say:

Only forgiveness can liberate minds and hearts once held captive by anger, bitterness, resentment, and fear. Forgiveness is a true path to freedom that can renew faith, build trust, and nourish the soul.

Forgiveness is freeing, forgiveness is painful, and maddening. For some it can come in a flash and they feel the weight of the world removed from their shoulders. For me? It is an ongoing choice, process and often difficult journey.

What is the act of forgiveness like for you?

One thing I know for certain is that the most important person we need to forgive first, is ourselves. When we can truly forgive ourselves, and find our voice and foster those boundaries from a place of power? That is when we have the space to truly forgive others.

Here are a few steps that you can take to move towards forgiveness

  1. Voice the pain, tell a trusted friend, counselor or confidant. In some instances you may be able to voice the pain to the person who perpetrated the event. The main focus here is to voice the pain without expectation of the other person.
  2. Spend some time in reflection and ask yourself “What do I need to forgive myself for?” Forgiveness of self is the gateway to learning how to forgive others.
  3. Find the gift (I know this sounds weird). We learn something from all experiences in life good or bad. Can you find some small gift or lesson that you can take from it and grow it?
  4. Release with a ritual. I love rituals particularly ones that allow for releasing and receiving. Write down what you want to release on a piece of paper, burn it, throw it into the surf, toss it into a stream. Saying out loud “I forgive you and I release us both from this painful bond” Then voice what you want to bring into your life. Do you want more love? Do you want to take the energy that you spent resenting and use it to curate a new project? Do you want to call in self care? Permission to do something fun? Make sure you create space to receive.

Now it is your turn. How do you find forgiveness in your heart without feeling like you are betraying yourself and condoning what happened? Do you have any forgiveness practices or rituals that you use? I would love to hear from you. Please comment below.

Here are links to the posts by Elizabeth Gilbert Book of Offenses and Iyanla Vanzant 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything

 

Vulnerability is the Bat Signal For Your Inner Critic!

Have you ever stepped out of your comfort zone and did something big? Something different? Maybe something fun but still scary? How did you feel before? How did you feel afterwards? I have a hunch you had a range of emotions that ran from butterflies in your stomach, irritation, anxiety and maybe afterwards regret.

So why, then do we have these feelings of discomfort when we step up and do something new or different? I will tell you why! It is because when we do something new or different it makes us vulnerable, and VULNERABILITY is the Bat Signal for your Inner Critic! Or your Inner Peeps as I often call them!

You know that voice the one that shoulds all over you? The one that is in your ear constantly trying to control your actions and feelings; and is often relentless. Yup. I know that voice too.

I am all about transparency, my clients know that I share victories and challenges. We walk through this coaching experience together. Earlier this week I got head shots done for my business and it prompted me to do a series of videos to show you what happens with our Inner Critic and how I can show to handle it.

Video One- The Leap

Video Two- The Chatter

Video Three-Mastery

Enjoy them, learn from them, and I would love it if you could give feedback about your Inner Critic.

PS: If you want to learn more about strategies for Firing Your Inner Critic, I invite you to download my free Book on the topic by signing up for my newsletter.