Tag Archives: Women in Business

A Love Letter To My Ex Husbands

Last week I attended an event and I was peppered with the usual questions, are you married, how long etc? I am a pretty open person and when I mentioned my ex husbands ( yes 2 we will get to that), I was met with the usual negative perception, and eye rolling about the EX being bad, a problem, and wholly responsible for the break up.

It is customary to speak of our exes with disdain and eye rolls, and it is usual that the person with whom you are speaking assigns some blame, and assumed personal defect to the ex. This got me thinking? Why do we always assume the EX to be a bad person or a perpetrator. We cannot all be walking around sparkling clean and without blame in the break up of our marriages.

I find myself wanting to defend my ex husbands. I want to say to the person who has never met them but instantly dislikes them just  because they are my ex that, they are not a bad person and really do not deserve instant judgement. Being an ex does not = the bad guy or girl in the story.

Don’t get me wrong I know many people who have exes that I am well aware are perpetrators of abuse, control and drama that would make Jerry Springer blush. However, it is exception not the rule.

So when someone hears I have an ex and get the old eye roll and instant judgement towards that person I want to put on the brakes. Here are a few reasons why I think we should do this differently.

  1. I am 2 men’s ex wife. So whenever I am brought up in conversation I AM the instant target of judgement and scorn. Who wants that energy coming at them from every conversation that your ex has that involves you. I can tell you 100% that I was not the sole reason those relationships ended.
  2. They are actually not bad people, they have flaws and broken bits and have not always behaved well towards me or others. However, they were not 100% awful and I have been just as broken and guilty as them.
  3. I take responsibility in being the woman who thought that THIS BROKEN person was a good idea to partner up with. I can not blame anyone else for that. They did not force me to fall in love, or marry them. I made the decision to be with them, and even though I did it from a wounded place, I still did. I was the kind of woman at that time in my life that not only sought out that kind of relationship but actively participated in its dysfunction.
  4. These reasons make it so unfair to assume that my exes are to blame for our breakups and that they are bad.
  5. I was culpable in the successful moments as much as I was for the unsuccessful moments. My wounds sought out someone to continue the pattern. He was a willing participant in this and I was a willing participant in reenacting his wounds.

This is the harsh reality of trauma. When we have experienced trauma in our past via physical abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment or neglect. We are more likely to recreate our trauma in our behaviors and in our relationships choices. Our trauma story finds new people to continue the story. Both of my husbands played active roles in my continuing my own trauma story. The reasons I chose them and attached to them were because our wounds mirrored each other’s pain. This can be a very attractive and compelling connection.

I married my highschool sweetheart, and then a man who was 21 years older than me. It does not take a psychologist to see that I was working some stuff out in my marriages.

One of the reasons I left these marriages eventually was because I no longer believed in this trauma story, and no longer felt connected to the usual players. It was brutal to go through two divorces, because my tender wounded inner child picked both of them for very legit reasons. I can say this now because through therapy and energy psychology techniques I have and am healing those trauma wounds. I could never have said this before, I needed them to be the bad guy and me the victim in order to feel strong enough to leave.

I have apologized to them both for my role in letting my wounds choose them, only so that I could then allow them to let me down and continue my trauma patterns. I have apologized for my role in creating a pattern of re-enacting their own wounds. I was neither a good person or bad person in these relationships, I was merely working out my trauma and trying to heal. However, that does not mean I did not hurt them. It does not mean I was a loving partner, I hurt them both and let them both down. We let each other down abundantly, but I cannot help but still have good feelings.

I have been working on forgiveness of myself and others. One of the ways that I routinely do this is to write a love letter to that person. I have completed  this for them and here are a few of my thank you statements to them both.

  • Thank you for making me feel safe sometimes.
  • Thank you for showing me that I was desired
  • Thank you for always working hard so we had resources
  • Thank you for the laughter
  • Thank you for seeing the good inside me
  • I loved our time together in highschool when we were newly in love and I felt loved and protected for the first time.
  • I loved how you made me feel like a muse, and a cherished spirit and how it created a magical and romantic Sense and Sensibility Story.
  • Thank you for loving my family despite our own wounds.
  • Your sensitivity and your intelligence pushed me to be kinder, smarter and more worldly.

I wish them both health and happiness. I will no longer mention them with disdain and with judgement or anger in my heart. I will not participate in the usual conversation that instantly demonizes them because they are both children of the universe who deserve love and compassion.

This is my own story and my own journey. I am not saying that YOU should do this, because it would not be fair of me to step into your story and tell you what to do. However, I do hope that this will give you food for thought. When they stay the villain, we stay the victim and that is a very stuck and dark place to be.

I want to remind you that if you have been a victim of abuse, and power and control abuse in your marriage, I understand this story could be triggering for you. Please know that my situation was different then yours and it is your story to heal from. No judgements from me and you have all of my love and support. These are two very different situations. But if you need some support please email me nicole@lewis-keeber.com and I will connect you with resources.

My final thank you to my ex husband’s. Thank you for being a part of my journey, because without you I would not have found, or been ready for my current husband Jason. We have been together for 13 plus years and married for almost 7. Each and every day is a gift, and I do I love him dearly. My ex husband’s taught me how to be a better partner, and gave me the clarity to know what safety and true pure love feels like when you find it. I love you Jason.

P.S. As a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, the study of trauma is of interest to me. I continue to heal my own, help clients heal theirs, and study the impact of trauma on relationships. Trauma impacts how we treat ourselves, and how we treat others. It impacts the dynamics that we create in our relationships at home, socially and in the workplace. My current focus is on how trauma impacts the small business owner and entrepreneur. Stay tuned for more information on my findings, and how I can help.

P.S.S. If you are interested in learning more about Nicole Lewis-Keeber LCSW and the coaching programs that she offers on Money and Mindset, Healing your relationship with your business, and the use of Emotional Freedom Technique. You can contact her here and schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call.

The truth about intuition, and a blue bird!

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know it is time to make a change? Maybe it is time to make some hard decisions about a relationship you are in. Maybe it is becoming clear that it is time to leave your job or maybe even your career? Whatever the decision is that you need to make? The ability to ignore that decision gets harder and harder. Maybe you watch TV more, you hang out on social media, hell maybe you indulge in 2 extra cocktails or beers to silence the noise. It does not work for long does it?

The voice that is loud in your ear is your intuition, it is your wise mind. It is the voice that knows what needs to be done for your higher good even if it feels scary, or hard. This intuition when trusted can be the catalyst for more in your life than you ever imagined. But,how to be brave?

How to follow something that comes to us in the very place that also houses our greatest doubts? Our inner critic, the shame and experiences that catalog our life so far. This jumbled mind, the wild west of all of the things that inspire us and terrifies us? It is not easy to trust is it?

I am very familiar with that voice, that very voice has given me the courage to leave relationships that were not for my highest good. It showed me the way out of jobs that were unhealthy for me, and a career that had run its course. It has not always been easy because my Inner Critic has been just as loud for as many years. But, there is a way to see your way through. Keep reading..

Right now as I write this, I am in the middle of that war of Inner Critic and Wise Mind. It has been a loud and noisy battle that has been raging about the future of my business and client work. My wise mind is so loud and so emphatic! It has the passion of a teenager who knows FOR A FACT THAT THEY WILL DIE if they do not get to go to the beach party with the other kids. It is that certain, that loud and that passionate about the fact that I need to rebrand myself. It is emphatic that I should call myself a Business Therapist and that I should offer more than money mindset, and that I should be the emotional support person for entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and business owners. It has quite a compelling argument.

The other voice my Inner Critic is telling me, that without question if I decide to step into the spotlight as a Business Therapist that not only will my business die, but I could die as well. It is saying, “ This would be catastrophic! No one would want that! Who are you kidding!! WTF? Nicole? Are you listening?” Whew also pretty loud and scary. SO what to do? What do we do when we are in the middle of the pivot?How do we handle the battle for real-estate not only in our mind but in our future decisions?

We look for signs. Yup. External signs.Nudges to act. Consistent confirmation from outside sources that add up to show that there is a defined road map forward in following our intuition and that we will indeed be OK.  How do we get these signs? We get still, we ask and then we watch.

Last weekend I was on my hill, the war raging in my head. I sat in the grass and I got still, and quiet and I surrendered. I said to the universe I surrender, send me a sign so that I have the courage to follow my wise mind. Then I waited. I waited some more. My Inner Critic had a tantrum but I held fast and then it happened.

The most beautiful blue colored bird flew by me, I watched it fly up towards a tree and disappear. This got my attention, I asked myself, “ where did it go? It was right there? “ I kept looking at the tree but the only bird in the tree was a average looking brown bird. Then something amazing happened.

That average brown bird took flight again and soared over me once more with the most gorgeous blue underbelly and wings I had ever seen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This bird was average looking and uninteresting until it spread its wings and flew. When it soared through the air it was gorgeous! Purposeful! Almost magical! In that moment I knew I had my answer.

In order to stand out, you must stand in your truth. To attract the attention that you desire YOU must spread your wings and fly! When we soar our true self, talents and unique beauty is revealed to the world. So, my intuition wins this round. Soar, show your true colors! And so it is…

Wrap up tips on how to follow your intuition:

  1. Recognize that you have a wise mind and it has been giving you signs and nudges all along.
  2. Get still, be quiet even for a short time so it can reveal itself to you in full without static from your inner critic.
  3. Ask for a sign or guidance
  4. Wait and watch
  5. Follow the answers that come to you with trust.

I hope this has been of help to you. Spread your wings, show your authentic self. It will help you make those hard decisions with confidence and purpose. If you are in need of someone to help guide you through those next steps once you have made your decision to pivot in your business, or life. Reach out to me here. Lets chat to see how I can be of service to you and your wise mind.

P.S. I would love for you to join us in my Facebook group Wealth Worth and Wisdom. Click here to ask to join.

Free gift- Knowing your Money Mindset Type is crucial to success of your business. Learn more about yours here.

It Is What It Is…And I Am What I Am

I have been on a journey of healing, self discovery, and stepping into the truth of what I am meant to do in the world. Honestly, after all of those years of therapy and the hundreds of self-help books and coaching training I really thought that I had A LOT figured out. However, I guess the point is that we never really figure things out. The more self aware we become the bigger the possibilities are for us so the target is always moving.

When I started my business I never imagined that it would be one of the most profound experiences of my life and the most exquisite vehicle for healing my wounds, uncovering my shadow and finding my confidence. I say it all of the time, starting a business is like taking in jump from the high dive into the the pool of personal development. Success in your business is just as contingent on how well you know yourself, and  have healed your wounds as it is on how great your business plan is.

In fact my own personal and professional opinion is that you can have the best business plan in the world and the numbers looking perfect and still tank your business. Yup, we do not leave our baggage at the door when we start a business, it comes in with us and can sink a water tight business plan.

The good news is that your business and your passion for it can also be the motivator and vehicle for profound self awareness and healing.That has been my experience and my wish for you. You are going to hear so much more about this from me. I am going to teach you how your business can help you heal.

I have not written a blog post in awhile because I have been conflicted. I struggled with the idea that I need to “stay on brand” stick with Money Mindset Topics, write only posts that will improve my SEO. Blog only about the topics that you can sell in your business. Well ya know what? I don’t follow rules very well and I like to write about everything. I like to write about healing, money and mindset, relationships, the personality of your business, and yes I even write about that scary word TRAUMA. (shudder)

I am first and foremost a therapist, I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and I am licensed clinical social worker. I have 7 years of education and a clinical license that I worked hard for. To say that I can “BACK MY SHIT UP” when I speak about healing your relationship with yourself, your money and your business is an understatement.

It is my duty to do more, and go deeper with my clients. There are enough sound bites and armchair psychologists out there. They don’t need one more shallow mindset quip from me. I will leave that to the others. I send them love, not everyone is ready for what I do. SO there is really room for everyone. I cannot see myself as a coach anymore which is kind of unfortunate since my business is named Nicole Lewis-Keeber Coaching LLC 🙂 I guess that is a problem for another day.

So here we are…redefining a business…stepping into the spotlight as my true self. It is scary and I am not even sure what it looks like but I am open. In the meantime, I am going to continue to talk about and write about what I know best. I am going to continue to help my clients heal their relationships with their money, themselves and their businesses so that they can have a successful business that they love.

What can I say? It is what is and I am who I am. So let’s stop being anything but that shall we?

Spring Into Abundance

It is the first day of Spring! This makes me particularly happy because it hits me in all the right mindset places. I live in Pennsylvania so it gets dark cold and dreary here, which is hard for a girl who grew up in the sunnier state of North Carolina. So, I live for spring and the extended daylight and all of the promise that it brings.

So how can Spring help you with abundance? Oh, and will you forgive me for using the word abundance? I know that it is an overplayed marketing buzzword these days but I have not found a better word to use yet. ( taking suggestions)

Back to the topic at hand. How can Spring help you with abundance? In soo many ways! When we think about Spring it brings to mind life, growth, abundance, rebirth! We can take this fertile time of rebirth to set intentions for our life, business, and money.

I want you to take a moment, and think about what you love about Spring. What about it excites you? When you ponder it, I bet you begin to think of all of the activities you can do again, creating the yard and home you love again by planting, clearing and cleaning. Do you imagine yourself taking walks outside taking in all of the gorgeous flowers, trees, and budding wildlife? It is quite miraculous, isn’t it? What does it make you want to do?

Spring is my most creative time and the time of year that I must want to launch programs and be amongst the world. Launch coming more on that in a later post!

Here are 3 Steps that you can take to “ Spring into Abundance”

  1. Right now I want to visualize all of the lush colors of spring and I want you to take out a piece of paper, your journal or a document on your computer. Then, I want you to write down 3 intentions that you have for your business. What are 3 things that you want to grow this spring? ( I would love to hear them)
  2. I want you to write down 3 incomes goals that you have for your business. First, the number you are averaging now plus 10%, the number that you want to be making, and then finally the outrageous number that would make you toe curling happy! What steps can you take to begin making these numbers come to life?
  3. I want you to imagine what it would feel like to have the business of your dreams, the money in your outrageous goal, and the lifestyle that it would afford you. Write it down. Visualize it.

We must be able to see what we want to create. When we plant a seed for a flower we have a pretty good idea what that flower will look like, we water it and attend to it because we intentionally planted that seed and are nurturing the outcome. Setting intentions in our money and business are much the same.

Visualize what you want, write it down and set the intention and the follow the dream. Spring is a great time to do this. So why not start today? Let me help you set the intentions for your money and your business.

What would it mean to you if by the first day of summer you had met at least half of these goals? Let me help you get there. By filling out this form, you can request a complimentary discovery call to get started now.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

All about podcasts!

One of my intentions for this year is to be on at least one podcast per month as a guest! I am off to a great start! I really love talking to others about what I do, what I am passionate about and now it all boils down to help for my clients.

I am excited to share with you two podcast interviews that I have done recently. They have a very different feel to them, and the audiences vary wildly. Listen in and hear how we discuss life, business and money and how it pertains to moms, coaches, and healers.

Pathway to Profit Podcast Link

This is what they had to say:

Minette and Brad had a blast talking about money mindset coaching with Nicole and she gave us a whole bunch of tweetables :-) “Money is appreciation”,

“Does your business love you back?”, “Make some damn money!”. Nicole has a deep knowledge of money mindset issues, especially for women, and that is right up our alley. These types of limiting beliefs are what we see in ourselves and our clients: listen in, as there are lot of juicy parts to this discussion.

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” — Ayn Rand

The second one was

Blasting Through Money Blocks By Loving Your Business on the Audacious Mom Podcast link here. 

In this episode, you’ll get tips on how to keep your spirits and vibration high. How to connect with your inner child and that inner voice that can guide you forward and stop the spinning and anxiety.

I hope you enjoy these interviews and that you gain a few take aways from myself or the hosts. I would love to hear from you if you did.

Additional goodies: 

Don’t forget to join me in my free Facebook Group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom 

I have joined forces with Michelle Lewis author of The Blessings Butterfly and found of the Cocoon for Empowerment to create our own podcast! The Sparkle Hour! Check out our website here! 

Nothing is free..can you afford the real price?

Have you ever gotten free samples at Costco or Whole Foods? Come on, you know you have. In fact, I know some people who take their lunch break and nosh on free samples. It is OK I don’t judge. But I do want to ask you a question? How many times did you actually buy the full price item of the thing you sampled? Maybe 25% of the time at best? Most of the time don’t you just take your freebie and run?

How many samples of cosmetics or personal care items have you grabbed that ended up living a sad lonely life in the bottom of a basket or drawer? What is the % of times that the sample actually led to a purchase from you? Is it pretty low right?

I cannot tell you how many clients I have worked with in direct sales who have put time and effort into making, packaging and distributing freebies or had giveaways that rarely resulted in customers.

Are you seeing a pattern here? Free can have a high price tag when you are a small business owner or entrepreneur. I suppose that Costco or Sephora can front the cost of giving things away and the return on their investment is worth it. Not always the case if you are in business for yourself.

I myself am not above the fray. Let me give you a few examples of freebies, that did not work out for me.

  1. My very first experience with people disregarding something that they did not invest in was early on in my coaching practice. I had a very satisfied client who wanted her employees to also experience the coaching and the life changing experience that she had. This employer purchased my money mindset coaching program for 4 of her employees as a gift. How nice of her right? Anyone would jump at high-level coaching gifted to them, right? Not so true. Of the 4 employees, 1 attended 3 calls then bailed, 1 attended almost all then disappeared before the last call. 1 never cashed in and 1 went all the way through it with a grateful heart and is still a fan.
  2. Every once in awhile I will get a wild hair and decide to do something crazy. While in New Orleans in September this year, I decided to offer a 3 in 30 to my newsletter list. In this newsletter, I offered to give away 3, 30 min coaching sessions to the first 3 people who responded. 3 people responded right away and grabbed the sessions, only 1 of the 3 actually scheduled and attended.
  3. I have been in 2 giveaways where a lucky winner whose name was drawn would win a 60-minute coaching session with me. Of those 4 winners, only one person scheduled a call and redeemed their prize.

I guess you can see what I am going for. Right? Most of the time people do not value what they do not invest in. They have to have some skin in the game to take it seriously. If you undercharge for your services, they will not be respected and often times not purchased at all. If you give things away most of the time the people who would take it are not your ideal client and are not going to invest in your products or services.

There are some circumstances where giveaways can be of value but I have not found one yet. I am also not saying that there are not people out there who are not happy that they got your freebie but in my case, they have not ended up being clients.

The cautionary tale here is. Do not give away that which you cannot afford to. You cannot afford to give away your time. I had a client who was a personal trainer who offered a free in-person assessment and people routinely stood her up. That was an hour of her life she could not get back and one she could not afford to give. If you spend hours putting together samples and you see that it is not getting you a high rate of return? Think again.

I am not saying to never give anything away for free. I am giving you free advice right now correct? But it is something I can afford to give away because the time and effort it takes me to write this post are worth it due to a large number of people who will read it and learn from it. Remember this as you are creating pricing and putting a value on your time. What do you want to focus on? Discounts? Or Abundance?

I hope this was helpful to you. I would love to hear back from you about scenarios where a freebie was a flop. Or if you want to learn more about money and mindset and how it relates to your business? Contact me here!

 

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

5 Steps to New Money Energy In the New Year

The end of the year always feels so frantic to me, not only are we preparing for the Holidays but it is the narrowing of the year. It feels like all of the energy, focus, celebrations and challenges of the year energetically create a funnel that backs up at this time. It can feel quite claustrophobic trying to close out one year and plan for a new one. Even though it can feel like a challenge, I believe it is a worthwhile endeavor. 

Ya’ll know me, I am not a money manager or a financial planner, I cannot tell you what to do with your money. What I can tell you is how to learn from and clear out your money blocks from this year to prepare to get into the new year with a fresh vibration. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.

 

5 Steps to New Money Energy

  1. Take an honest look back at your year, and the amount of money you made. Can you see a pattern where you were empowered in your money and mindset? Can you see the times where you were less clear and may have been less empowered? Did you charge enough for your services? Were you late on invoicing clients? Did you forgo asking for a raise? Be honest take a look.
  2. Reflect on the year and ask yourself how you felt about it overall? Did you feel burdened or free? Did you have fun creating your financial abundance, or did it feel like you white-knuckled your way through it?
  3. Write down the things you identified as challenges or blocks. Then write down the times you were excelling and pay attention to what was happening at the time? What was working for you?
  4. Take this information and decide what you want to change for the new year? How do you want to feel about your money and how you will earn it? What are you willing to invest it and what are you willing to let go of?
  5. Write down your Money Mindset Mantra for the new year, based upon the above steps. Post it where you can see it and focus on it daily.

 

What are some of the ways that you have found to be helpful in putting a year to bed energetically around money? What practices work in looking forward to an abundant new year? I would love to hear from you!!! Hit reply and let me know!

If you want to have a new energy for your money and your business in the new year. Contact me for a Discovery Call to discuss how you can clear out and call in new energy.

The Law of Attraction Sucks!

 

Well, it does if you have had a traumatic background. Don’t get me wrong I actually do love and believe in the law of attraction. However, it is not as simple as some would lead you to believe. Affirmations and manifestations are only as useful as the person’s ability to believe in them.

Over and over my clients will come to me and say. I watched The Secret, I have read the books, I believe in the law of attraction, so why can’t I manifest anything? The simple answer is because they don’t really believe it is possible. And if they do believe it, belief is not enough. Standing and repeating affirmations to the sky is not enough. Writing your order to the universe is not enough. I get their frustration and why they think The Secret sucks. They have been let down by it over and over.

The good news is that these clients, are now manifesting and attracting good things into their lives with consistency and ease. How did they go from it sucks to it works? They did the following.

  1. They took a deep dive into their past wounds, to see what traumatic events were still impacting their mindset.
  2. They revealed those triggering events and healed them through the use of targeted coaching and the use of mind-body techniques.
  3. By revealing and releasing these old wounds they made space for the things that they wanted to manifest in their lives.

The most important foundation of manifesting things you want and using the Law of Attraction is the 100% belief that it works. If you have unhealed wounds, then there is a part of you that is incapable of believing that good things are possible. That part of you will reject the vibration and energetic attraction, that is needed to manifest and attract the good stuff.

Once you clear out the lingering energetic clutter, you would be surprised what the Universe sends you to take its place. It truly feels like magic. But first, you have to make space for it.

Do you see yourself here? Has the Law of Attraction craze left you feeling like the one person left out of manifesting magic? Let me help you get on the pathway to attracting more of what you want in your life, money and or business. Contact me here if you would like to schedule a Discovery Call.

Are you on Facebook? Join us in my private group called Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you there.

I have a gift for you! Learn what your Money Mindset Type is by downloading this Guide. In this guide I show the 4 Types of Money Mindset I see the most, and share links to videos I created to teach you more about them!

8 Steps to Forgive With Love and Gratitude

nicole-cry-3Forgiveness work is tricky. I have been in therapy multiple times over the years, and the process of revealing and releasing pain and working towards forgiveness has been an ongoing journey. I have written letters that I have sent to people and some that I have burned. I have thrown my grievances into a fire and sent them gently down streams. Were these exercises helpful? Yes, I believe that they were in many instances. They helped me build pathways to new ways of thinking and experiencing my pain and the perpetrators of it.

As a therapist, I will admit that I have given similar homework to my clients and they have had a variety of results depending on their willingness to dig deep. Forgiveness work is tricky.

What I have continued to struggle with, has been how to forgive, and to let go of resentments and anger. I thought that I had forgiven those who harmed me including myself. I really did, but what I found is that when I engaged with that person or even thought of them, I would get sour and negative. Forgiveness is easier than recovering from the impact the event has on our life. Even so, I still sought to find new ways to forgive that will stick.

I want to back up here and say, that just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life.I am going to say that again, just because you forgive someone does not mean that you are obligated to allow them in your life. In fact, I think that 80 % or more of the time, those who have harmed us need to be in our rearview mirror. Yet, sometimes that person is someone that we love, and want to have in our lives in some small way that will not continue to harm us. That is where the hard work comes in.

I have forgiven scads of people, that I do not allow into my life anymore. They are permanently evicted from my sandbox! That has been easy! What has been hard had been setting loving limits, with emotional and physical boundaries with those that I want to still have in my life? What I have found is that having them in my life even in some small way continues to “poke the emotional bear” How can I be in a relationship with those that I have forgiven, without being re- wounded, and reminded of why they needed forgiveness in the first place? This is a delicate dance for sure.

This morning I meditated and yes I asked my angels and inner wisdom about this ongoing need to find forgiveness not just for past deeds but in the present. Especially when that person continues to live in their shadow and not seek the light. This is the message that I received.

“You have focused on the things that need to be forgiven enough. Now focus on loving that person and thanking them for the good things that they gave you” Hmm,Interesting

Ok so I have written down the “gifts” that came from overcoming the challenges that person or experience created for me, and while it was hard I could find them. But, I never looked for the gifts from the actual person. I had never allowed myself to looked at their light and explore what was there. I had only looked at how their shadow had impacted me and “forced” me to evolve or learn a life lesson.

So this is new for me. There may be those of you who are thinking “Oh my gosh Nicole how can you just be coming around to this” ? Fair enough, but I am a firm believer in timing and now is my time, because now I have an audience that can benefit from my tears.

Back to the List of Love and Gratitude. I sat down with my notebook and I wrote the person’s name at the top of the page. I began to write down the things that are good about this person and how I benefited from their goodness. How their light had impacted me in positive ways, and what I was grateful for that they given me. I will not lie, at first, it was hard because my wounded angry voice was quick to point out something BAD about this person with each positive thing I wrote down. This peep of mine would not be ignored so I took a breath, and I said to her “We have a lifetime of cataloging the bad things that this person did, we have ongoing evidence of how they wounded us, please do not think that you are being ignored, you aren’t. Allow me to find the light, because none of us exist fully in the darkness there is light to be found”. I promised her that I would keep her safe and that this was just a plot twist and experiment to see things from a new perspective.

Once I addressed her needs and soothed her she let go of her vice grip of negativity and the list flowed. The list flowed onto two pages I might add, and for the first time in years, I felt a deep release. I have documented that release in pictures because in the moment I felt a calling to show you what it looked like. Despite bed head, no makeup, and a blotchy face I needed to show you my pain. I thought that I would experience relief, but what I can tell you is that the first emotions were extreme pain and grief. It did not overtake me it just felt like a reverence for it, which allowed for love gratitude and relief to finds its way quickly to my heart.nicole-cry-1

It has changed me, and I will take this exercise and complete it again with the others who are on that list. I know this was a long post, and if you are still with me I am so grateful for your attention and for witnessing my journey. I hope that it will give you some hope and a tool that you can use to find some true forgiveness as well. I am going to outline the steps that I took but before I do that I want to speak to you about safety. Listen carefully. Forgiveness work can be transformational but it can also be highly triggering. Remember that I have had years in therapy and tons of personal development work as a coach. So I want to make a few points.

If you decide to try these steps that I outline, I want you to make sure that you are grounded. Say a prayer for safety first to the source of light that you rely on. I want you to allow yourself to go into the process without judgments of yourself. If you feel too emotional, or unsafe at any point I want you to stop, and again say a prayer to your guiding light and come back again later. You do not have to barrel through these steps. You know yourself and if you feel triggered take care of yourself and step away. Do not underestimate the power of this process.

Here are the steps that I took:

  1. I picked the person I wanted to focus on and wrote their name at the top of the page.
  2. I invited my angels and inner wisdom to help support me through it.
  3. I began to think of that person with love and gratitude.
  4. I wrote down a list of the things that I love about that person.
  5. I wrote a list of the things that this person did for me that were loving and good and that I am thankful for.
  6. When my inner voice got angry and tried to divert me back to my old way of thinking about this person, by reminding me of the bad things? I simply acknowledged her, and invited her to be a part of the new perception and honored her feelings.
  7. I gave thanks to my inner wisdom and guides, and let the tears flow.
  8. I journaled about my experience, and how it made me feel and what it is like to look at this person with new eyes.

What I had hoped for in going through this process, was to find some neutrality. I was not seeking to take this person from Villan to Hero. I simply wanted to take my perception of this person from Villan to neutral. In reality, it will not change anything about how I interact with this person in real life. We will not frolic in the daisies and go on picnics. NOPE, things will look much the same, but I WILL FEEL differently.

Now I am sharing this with you, in the hopes that it will create a ripple of forgiveness in your life. However, I do want to remind you that forgiveness does not mean those people who have harmed you are allowed access to you. For example, if a family member has been abusive in some way you can find forgiveness for them, but it does NOT require you to allow them access to harm you again. Physical and emotional safety is always a priority when we are working on forgiveness.

If this was helpful, please comment below, or send me a message by clicking here.  Are you interested in a deeper discussion on how you can find forgiveness? Contact me to find out more about my coaching programs. 

If you would like to hang out with me and a group of other amazing folks? Join us in my Facebook Group Wealth Worth and Wisdom. We would love to have you.

7 Steps Towards Hope and Healing Post Election

This is not a political blog.I am reluctant to invite the energy of politics and all that comes with it into my little blog bubble. But what do you do when your friends, family, and clients ask you with shaky voices, so what happens on Wednesday? They know that no matter who is elected, that the road to this election has created divisiveness in their own lives, and they fear it will continue. What do I tell them? How do I help when too am worried? I suppose we get back to basics. So this is my feeble attempt to be of some help to you when you wake up Wednesday morning on 11/9/16 regardless of if your candidate won, and regardless of if you are an American. I have many friends family and clients all over the world who feel just as helpless about this race.

7 Steps Towards Hope and Healing Post Election:

  1. Take a deep breath and know that you will be OK. You have more influence than you think, you are an influencer of the world and your little square within it. Try not to feel hopeless and helpless. Spend a moment and send love to yourself, those who have been less than kind, and to both candidates. Loving energy can change the world, what we focus on expands, so focus on love.
  2. Remember what we were taught on the playground anyone who knows me knows that sports are not my wheelhouse. I do not follow sports nor do I play them. However, I do remember as a child being taught during recess and on my softball team that being a gracious winner and not a sore loser are skills for life. Take a moment to give the other side a mental or actual handshake and say “well done”. We meet in the middle and say good game. We then go and analyze our part in the outcome, What could I have done better? What strengths did they possess? Or what did we do well, and can build on for next time? Destroying each other and tearing it down offers no personal growth opportunity. Don’t take your ball and go home, stay in the game this is where the gold is.
  3. Take a hard look in the mirror. Ask yourself. Have I been kind? Have I been harsh and judged people for their choice? Have I been quick to argue with complete strangers on Facebook or twitter just because I needed to get my angst and anger out? If the answer is yes, you are in good company. It is so easy to do. We must look at our own behaviors and be honest about where we have fallen short. We cannot change others behaviors only our own. When we can truly assess our part in the division and ripples of anger, only then can we have more patience for the other person. We go from being a victim to a participant.
  4. Know that you did not win or lose. Just because your candidate won does not make YOU RIGHT or the other WRONG. All it indicates is that your candidate represented a larger section of the country that agrees with their policy. If you can really take this on, you will be less likely to  gloat if your candidate is chosen and less likely to want to fight back because your candidate was not chosen. Notice again I said chosen not win or lose.
  5. Resist the urge to create more division. In truth as opposite as we can be on issues, I know without a doubt that there are some common beliefs, values, and issues that we all hold dear. Seek to be curious about what the “other” side has in common with you, we have talked ENOUGH about how we are different. Find common ground and focus on those issues, what we focus on expands. We can be expansive in our connection and collective next steps.
  6. Take action- contact your representatives whether you voted for them or not. Tell them that you do not want 8 more years of obstruction, anger, and refusal to find common ground. Tell them that you want them to find a place to come together on issues and you expect them to act with integrity. Tell them that you support them in taking those tentative steps towards working with the other party on important issues that benefit us all. Give them permission to get out of the partisan shackles.
  7. Finally- express radical gratitude. We have our problems but we still have much to be grateful for. When you can find 3 things each day that you are grateful for it changes your vibration. It takes you from fear to love. I have said it before what you focus on expands so above all focus on gratitude and love.

I know that we can make a shift in our country for the better of us all no matter who is selected as President if we are really willing to take these steps. I am grateful that this election has gotten us out of apathy and inspired us as a nation to pay attention. I am grateful that I was able to vote in a historic election. I am grateful that I have learned how to send love to those I find challenging as a way to survive in this hostile climate.

We can do great things if we are willing to take a look at ourselves first, be honest about how we have contributed to the breakdown, and open to doing the divine work of fixing it. What a huge opportunity we have here….

I hope my friends, family, and clients who have sought out comfort from me will find some in this post. Wishing you all peace on your path. 

P.S. If this resonates with you please share…comment or contact me here with feedback