I used to be a clinical supervisor for a methadone clinic, and I have a vast amount of experience with addictions. I would say 80% of my direct practice had some kind of treatment of addictions at its core. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a client say “ Fake it til you make it” or even better a dollar for every time a therapist or self-help group told them to do this.
It never sat well with me, I did not like the saying or what I saw this mantra “ DO” to those clients. It set them up to lie to themselves. That inner voice of theirs, that critic reared its head every time someone would say that phrase. What I have come to learn is that our inner critic, shadow, saboteur whatever you want to call it does NOT appreciate being lied to. Nor, does it appreciate being ignored.
The more the client’s faked it, the further away from their inner voices and guidance they got. They would then be triggered by the inauthentic way they were showing up in the world, which would trigger their shame and send them into a downward spiral towards relapse. Now, I am sure that there will be 12 step followers who are aggravated with me right now because they have used this mantra as part of their recovery. I believe that if they look closer they will see it was not this mantra, that helped them recover, it was the targeted steps they took towards their goal, showing up real and raw to the world and learning how to heal their shame.
If you disagree with me that is A-OK with me, I wish you well and I am happy for your recovery. I send you light and love.
However, you will not hear me say Fake it til you make it to my clients. I have heard this phrase used by other coaches, speakers, personal development gurus and each and every time I cringe. I DO NOT WANT you to fake anything because it will trigger your Inner Critic to call bullshit on you. Once your Inner Critic calls BS all bets are off and it will actively work at getting you to take another course.
No, do not lie to yourself. Do not fake anything. Please! So, you may be wondering what to do instead. I am so glad you asked. I want you to learn how to OWN IT UNTIL YOU GROW IT!
- Be honest with yourself about your emotion in this moment. Hold no judgments about it and just be curious.
- Feel your feelings, I KNOW THIS IS SO SCARY, but do it anyway! Feel your feelings so that you can take a breath and ask your inner voice. Why am I feeling this way and what does the part of me that is triggered need right now?
- Pause and wait for an answer, again with curiosity and no judgments.
- Talk with someone you trust to discuss what steps and intentions you need to put in place to achieve the goals you want. It is important that these steps and intentions feel possible and are in alignment with your authentic self. Not just a list of things that someone else tells you that you SHOULD DO!
- Wake up each morning and make a small list of intentions for the day, and at the end of the day celebrate those you attained. You must celebrate your progress, and this is impossible to do if you are faking it.
It is my deepest desire to help my clients create a pathway towards empowerment in all areas of their lives, including money, business, self-worth. This requires us to get to know ourselves better, identify our patterns of behavior so that we can change them, and not simply fake it!
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This so what I wanted to hear. Affirming and allows me to be present. Less anxiety! ❤